Your Silence Is Deafening: An Open Letter To the Target Boycotters

#1

https://driftingthrough.com/2016/04/29/ ... oycotters/

I hear you.

You’re angry.

I get it, I’m angry too.

I’m not talking to the people who are angry at Target because their Pro Transgender bathroom policy flies in the face of their cherry picked moral compass. I’m not under any obligation to respect their beliefs.

I’m talking to you… the people who have no issue with sharing a bathroom with LGBT people. I’m talking to those of you who are speaking out about this bathroom policy, expressing concern over the women and children who you fear will be in danger because of this policy.

You’re reasonable people. You aren’t expressing hate or bigotry. You just worry. You worry about your kids, your wives, your sisters. I worry too.

I probably worry too much. I have always accompanied my younger kids to the bathroom in public places. When my son was too old to go into the women’s room, I would stand right outside the Men’s room door. If he was taking a while I would yell into the door, asking if he was ok. So, yes, I’m that mom.

I worry. I have always been a little leery of public restrooms.

But I’m not boycotting Target and I’m no more worried about my kids’ safety than I was before.

Even though I’m a worrier, I read and I research. Facts help to calm my fears. Facts that show that in states with pro-Transgender bathroom policies, there has beenno increase in assaults. Research that leads me to find an article by a Sexual Assault Victim’s Advocacy Group that is stating very clearly that pro-Trans bathroom policies do not increase the danger of sexual assault for anyone. They in fact minimize it for LGBT people.

So what I see is a lot of fear mongering going around. Stories of men sneaking into the ladies room, emboldened by these laws. Stories that have proven to be false. And some that are orchestrated to incite more fear.

So, I’m going to try to say the rest of this gently because to be honest, it’s all got me worked up and more than a little angry. It’s got a question bouncing around my head for the last few days… one that makes me angrier every time I think it…

Where have you been?

You say you are concerned for women and children. That the thought of sexual assault in a Target bathroom is so concerning that you may boycott, that you are forgoing your usual pleasant FaceBook anecdotes and memes to shout about the new policy…

Where the hell have you been?

You, the protectors of women and children. Where have you been when we’ve been writing and talking about rape? When some of us have been shouting about these things for years, begging for people to listen, to care. To see the pain and destruction of these things that plague our society.

When we’ve been the ones to make you feel uncomfortable because we are invading your mindless FaceBooking and Tweeting with rants about injustice and startling statistics of rape that should have any sane person’s hair standing on end?

Where were your angry voices when a Presidential candidate suggested that women who don’t want to be raped shouldn’t go to parties?

When actual real life Congressmen claimed that rape victims can’t get pregnant because their body “will shut that down.”

When a court rules that oral sex is not rape if the victim is unconscious from drinking?

When a state legislatorin Tennessee is ordered by the TN Attorney General to stay away from women at work because he is a danger to them?

Where were your petitions? Where was your concern? WHY AREN’T YOU SHOUTING ABOUT THESE THINGS???

Where were you when yet another woman was killed by her abusive husband? When a mother was beaten repeatedly. When they “system” that is supposed to protect her allows her violent husband to keep his gun, which he then uses to kill her and her children? Where has your concern been for the 3 women murdered every day by their intimate partner?

Where were you when your favorite college or professional sports hero was accused of rape? Or caught on video beating his wife? Are you still a fan of some of these guys? Do you still cheer them on? Where was the moral outrage to a society that looks past it because he can throw a ball and win games?

Where were you when R.Kelly was allowed to perform, put out another album, collaborate with famous pop singers? Even though he was accused of raping minorsand committing cruel acts and even video taped himself doing these horrific and illegal things? Did you stand up and protest then? Did the account of a 15 year old girl’s “disembodied stare” at the video camera as he assaulted her not make you angry?

Where was your angry voice when a rapist was sentenced to 45 days for raping a 14 year old girl?

Where were you when girls were slut shamed after coming forward about their rape?

Where is your loud voice standing up for the homeless women and children? When the U.S. has largest number of homeless women and children among industrialized nations? Is the Target bathroom more of a concern than a mother and her children sleeping in their cars? Or on the street? Or bouncing around homeless shelters?

Where was your self righteous indignation when a child was killed at a park playing with a toy gun? When the police officer who shot him within seconds of arriving on the scene was let off without being charged?

Where were you when a child was shot because his radio was too loud?

Where were you when a child was killed after walking home from buying Skittles? When his murderer was acquitted and went on to make assault two different girlfriends and threaten them with his gun. That he’s still allowed to own.

Where were you when these children were killed? Because I didn’t hear any of you then. I didn’t hear a whole lot of yelling and hand wringing for these children who were mowed down by white male outrage and misguided fear.

When we speak or write or Tweet about everyday sexism and rape culture -that you damn well better believe gives rise to rape and assault- you shrugged. Or rolled your eyes. Or looked away. Or clicked “Unfollow.” Did we make you uncomfortable? All of our ranting and raving about the insidious nature of a society that views women (and hell, children too) as commodities, did it make you feel icky?

You see, I care about women and children (and boys and men) outside of the Target bathrooms. I care about them at home, at school, on the bus, at work, on the street. I care about them regardless of how they’re dressed, regardless of their economic class, no matter their sexual orientation. I care about them when they are being victimized and the world just looks on in apathy.

Those predators you’re so worried will sneak into the Target bathroom? They’re all around you.

They are your Priest, your kid’s coach, your neighbor, your uncle, your youth group leader, your United States Speaker of the House.

They are a savvy bunch, these sick bastards. They flock to places where they can gain your trust. They go to great pains to appear normal and friendly. They don’t sport a beard and a dress and waltz into the bathroom to attack your women and children.

And I can’t help but question concern that only seem to flare up when it’s anti-something. When it’s an “alternative lifestyle.” I question the motivation. I wonder, where the hell have your morals been? Where was your moral outrage when kids were gunned down and college girls were sexually assaulted and women serving in the military were being raped? When women and children were murdered by angry husbands? When restraining orders were granted but in reality offered no protection. When women were threatened online with violence. With rape. With comments like “I know where you live and I will find you and kill you.” Comments that are generated because the woman had the audacity to speak up or write or actually just do her job.

Because I haven’t heard from you about these things. I haven’t heard of petitions or moral outrage from the masses on these things. I haven’t heard much from you at all.

Until now, your silence has been deafening.

So excuse me if I find your newfound activism a little disingenuous. Excuse me if I am rolling my eyes over the furor over using a public restroom. Excuse me if I’m a little worked up over the idea that the “problem” is a Target policy but not the fact that women and children have to be careful and on guard because of a culture that has encouraged male entitlement and subversive sexism and blatant sexualization.

The “problem” you’re screaming about is not the problem. The problem is your apathy all these years to the reality that you refuse to see or acknowledge. It’s a lot easier to believe in the boogey man in the Target bathroom than the real threat that is woven into the very fabric of your Made In the USA security blanket.

Excuse me if I’m a little put off by a flurry of chicken scratched signatures on a fear mongering petition. Excuse me if I think your priorities seem a little slippery.

Because until now? Your silence has been deafening.

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · #2

Nice try article, but there's not a lot people can do, at least easily, about most, if not all, of those things (some of which aren't an issue, such as people exercising their right to bear arms). However, boycotting Target is easy. Effortless even. It's a lot easier than finding homes for every single woman and child (thanks mostly to greedy people, so go cry at the well off), and somehow preventing angry husbands from murdering their families.

Also, lmao at "white male outrage." As if other races aren't just as violent. I find it gross that this particular form racism is magically acceptable.

Random User · #3

Well, at least it's less people that I have to worry about. I don't know what boycotting Target will do in terms of forwarding whatever vague goal people have set. Target isn't like, the transgender capital or anything.

RinkuTheFirst · #4

The Target boycotters hope to run Target out of business for daring to be pro-transgender. I'd extrapolate that their ultimate goal is to make all businesses fearful of being pro-LGBT in any way (or pro-transgender, at least).

I suppose it's not all that different from how I refuse to eat at CFA for their known corporate attitude of being anti-LGBT.

#5

I've always been skeptical of boycotts or petitions really doing much on their own. It takes more than signing a sheet that promises you'll do what it says. There are WAAAAY too many variables as to whether or not any boycott or petition will have an effect.

Also, this article while it means well makes too many assumptions on what people think like. They aren't tools used to help a good cause, and not everything reaches the ears of the public. I also remember a quote that goes something like "If you surround yourself with things that make you upset you're gonna get burned out." There's only so much one person feels like dealing before they pass it by.

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · #6

EDIT: Re-reading this, it sort of came off as antagonistic. Unintended.

Deepfake · #7

All of the negative press for Target is just free advertisement, anyway. Smart move on their part.[DOUBLEPOST=1462255123,1462254853][/DOUBLEPOST][QUOTE="Tazy Ten, post: 1594523, member: 19345"]"If you surround yourself with things that make you upset you're gonna get burned out."[/QUOTE]
Which is a good argument as to whether someone needs to wuss out and make a fuss over Target not being anti-trans to preserve their comfort zone. They should direct themselves to real issues that have real, measurable impacts on safety. This supposed social concern is just ignorance and malice in disguise. Just another showing of the idea that anyone who's not straight is a pedophile degenerate.

#8

"don't surround yourself with politics you'll just get burned out take a break" -three anti-trans bills pass in a month-

the cishets are at it again

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · #9

[QUOTE="LOOT, post: 1594556, member: 21459"]"don't surround yourself with politics you'll just get burned out take a break" -three anti-trans bills pass in a month-

the cishets are at it again[/QUOTE]

Pretty sure that's entering slur territory.

#10

^^^ I've barely heard of any of these situations described in this article, which is really unfortunate. People who have the ability to spread this news around don't do so, either because they're concentrating on something else or it's not going to get them enough clicks. It's disgusting when someone's life is judged by the outrage they can generate and not who they are aside from that. :grumpy2:

Maybe some of the people signing this petition would get angry about these situations. Or maybe they wouldn't. Hell, I don't even know if this is going to hurt Target at all. How many people signed this petition as a joke? How many are actually not going to go to Target? How many have never gone to Target and are signing this despite not being a regular customer? That's why petitions and boycotts mean very little on large businesses like this on their own. Until I hear Target's sales hitting rock bottom, I'm taking it with a grain of salt.

^^ Did you ever think for even for a moment that those bills got passed because people got sick of getting bombarded every five seconds and just don't care anymore?

There's a reason people burn out on politics or choose not to get involved (you know, aside from people who explode whenever it gets brought up *cough cough*). They prefer not to get stressed out over everything. That's the main reason politicians exist. Not only should they represent the people, but they're the ones we want to worry about every political issue so we don't have to. Not everyone wants to be miserable 24/7 and they will turn away no matter how loud you shout. There's a bit more to it than that, but I don't necessarily feel like wasting my time writing paragraphs about it right now.

And... oh? What's this? Louisiana is making it illegal to discriminate against employees for being LGBT? And no one had to get threatened to have it pass either. It's almost like I know what I'm talking about.

#11

[QUOTE="Tazy Ten, post: 1594572, member: 19345"]^^ Did you ever think for even for a moment that those bills got passed because people got sick of getting bombarded every five seconds and just don't care anymore?
[/QUOTE]
I want you to retype your entire post right now and rethink why you're a horrible human for even thinking to type this.

Random User · #12

Good news guys. I came to work and my Target location is still standing.

#13

^^ Some people don't care about the problems you have.

They might need to worry more about employment, or their living conditions, or literally anything that takes up their time aside from politics. It's a problem but I also can't fault most people for it.

I'm sorry the truth makes me a horrible human being. /notsorryatall

#14

You know, I was quite angry with you yesterday, but right now, I only pity you. I pity how little you seem to care about people different from you. I pity the fact that you can't seem to understand why life issues like this are important to me. But let's go into recap with your "facts".

You blame trans people for the restroom bills for passing because they were "too loud" and everyone else was tired of listening to them. This is contrary to the actual fact that transgender politics has been ongoing and nonstop for ages. Stonewall did not start this, but it sure as hell helped reignite the fire in many people to fight against bigotry.

You claim that people will turn away because of the noise we make. Did it ever occur to you this is exactly the problem? How many of us shouted out that the legalization of gay marriage should not be seen as a stopping point?

You say Louisiana is making an anti-LGBT bill. Now, here's two points. One, did you ever stop to think the fact that these kinds of laws HAVE to be created says something about the society we live in, one where anybody who is PoC, queer, trans, different in any way, faces discrimination nigh every day? Two, one state is making a law. Break out the party horns, I suppose they say. That's 1 state out of 50, in 1 country out of 196 countries, six hospitable continents. A population of 4.5 million out of over 7 billion people. Not a number to sneeze at still, but, well

Also, I love how you brought up that one state passing it. Should we be grateful to our politician overlords, to the cisgender white man? Perhaps this is what you're wanting, for us to grovel when we're granted equal rights.

Not everyone wants to be miserable 24/7, now that I think about it you're talking about the people hearing about us. Apparently you never considered how we feel. You want to know something, Tazy-buddy? I've had three suicide attempts in the last ten years. I was diagnosed with childhood depression. You think these issues weren't made even worse for me after coming out? I certainly hope not but judging by your track record I won't hold my breath so we can skip that diagnosis.

I also would like to bring up you gaslighting me with your little comment about "exploding" when certain politics are brought up. A nasty attack on my character and very degrading, but do you know why I do this? I care. This isn't just about my existence. This is about the young kids being attacked by their peers in many ways because they're raised to hate those who are different. This is about the older folk who fear coming out because their generation is even worse about identity politics. This is about those who find it harder and harder to find living worth it every day.

But you? Oh no. You're just sick of hearing politics because it forces you to care. If only you could give as much a damn as you did when you claimed it was about "ethics in gaming journalism".

Me, I've got larger issues than **** video games, although even there I have a stake.

And if you're sick of me sticking my neck in where I feel there is injustice, well here's a handy tip

You can stop caring at any time.

#15

LOOT, post: 1594665, member: 21459 wrote:I pity how little you seem to care about people different from you.

Says the racist.

You blame

Nope. Politicians signed the bill into law and it had little if anything to do with the "noise" as you seem to call it. Though the constant shouting and belittling of others does little to help reverse the ruling in and of itself. If your immediate reaction to a disagreement is to jump at shadows and judge people by the color of their skin then I'm surprised anyone listens.

You say Louisiana is making an anti-LGBT bill. Now, here's two points. One, did you ever stop to think the fact that these kinds of laws HAVE to be created says something about the society we live in, one where anybody who is PoC, queer, trans, different in any way, faces discrimination nigh every day?

Yeah, it's terrible. Aside from every other government system in existence.

I think we're doing rather well for ourselves. And before you try to throw 50 terrible crimes committed in the United States at me, I'm going to point out that every country has crime, murder, and racism. Some more than others, some less than others. It doesn't prove anything we don't already know.

Two, one state is making a law. Break out the party horns, I suppose they say. That's 1 state out of 50, in 1 country out of 196 countries, six hospitable continents. A population of 4.5 million out of over 7 billion people. Not a number to sneeze at still, but, well

Also, I love how you brought up that one state passing it. Should we be grateful to our politician overlords, to the cisgender white man? Perhaps this is what you're wanting, for us to grovel when we're granted equal rights.

I call it a victory, but you know. Not allowed to be happy if someone out there is sad apparently. Makes me a tyrant.

Not everyone wants to be miserable 24/7, now that I think about it you're talking about the people hearing about us. Apparently you never considered how we feel.

Who's we? I never call out Chaos Devilot, if that's what you're implying. Because we are totally included in what I say.

but do you know why I do this? I care. This isn't just about my existence. This is about the young kids being attacked by their peers in many ways because they're raised to hate those who are different. This is about the older folk who fear coming out because their generation is even worse about identity politics. This is about those who find it harder and harder to find living worth it every day.

I doubt you're helping any of these people trying to shout me down. You could make actual points, or post links that aren't blatantly wrong and inflammatory, or make an attempt to understand opposing viewpoints. Make an attempt to help people understand your point of view that isn't "laffo white people? criminals? they're synonyms! cry everyone i don't like cry cry cry" like a grade school bully. Because everyone else here makes some attempt at least. They try and I respect them all for at least trying. This forum is NOT a battlefield. There are no casualties, there is nothing to win here. Or at least there shouldn't be. Me getting involved in your antics has nothing to do with your body or your beliefs on their own because we tend to agree on a lot of points if you haven't noticed. It has to do with you coming in here not to learn or understand others but to be right every time. And because you have to be right every time, you never are.

But you? Oh no. You're just sick of hearing politics because it forces you to care.

I've always cared. Some of my most liked posts were in PPR. The only thing that's changed is that I no longer side with someone purely based on the evidence they provide.

If only you could give as much a damn as you did when you claimed it was about "ethics in gaming journalism".

Me, I've got larger issues than ****ing video games, although even there I have a stake.

Reminder that Democracy Springs wasn't given any attention at all because it wouldn't generate more clicks than "Let's talk about how dumb Trump is again!"

But, you know, that's only stupid when you think it is.

And if you're sick of me sticking my neck in where I feel there is injustice, well here's a handy tip

You can stop caring at any time.

I'd rather die. Thanks anyway though.

Deepfake · #16

You guys need something like an olive branch.

Competing for headspace is entirely why others can't afford to go silent about social rights. There's a burn-out factor with anything regarding outrage, but not everyone has those enflamed reactions and like all popular media you are not entirely dependent on a returning audience so much as a turnover.

The people who pretend to care about safety from predators in regards to trans inclusion do not confirm their suspicions when they form their arguments, and that alone is enough to determine that they care more about the argument than they do about the truth. There is hubris to be recognized in that, as this argument does affect the safety of any trans or non-conforming people and it is irresponsible to hijack such things for the sake of stroking one's own ego.

I understand Tazy's initial point, although I do not agree that it is a useful point, and it can be true while also being overall unimportant. There may be excuses for the lack of response for women's safety, but whatever the matter it is not really something we are all required to accept.

The only thing I would objectively take from that initial piece is that it is not constructive to shame others so much as to show those in error the way in which they err, forgive them for their mistake and acknowledge how it was made, and show them what they can do to contribute.

#17

I think you've noticed that I tend to lax lyrical over unimportant drivel on a constant basis. :yes:

Do not mistake my attempts at understanding this petition for justifying or siding with it. These are not people who have burned out on politics yet. They've either not done much research on the subject, are actually afraid of what might happen, or... y'know, are actually transphobic. Regardless, If a transgender person was looking to sexually assault someone I doubt anyone would see them coming and the current laws should apprehend them.

Is it gonna happen? Sure. It's entirely possible. But potential crime is not crime. If you have hands you can stab someone to death. Does that mean you shouldn't be allow to hold knives? Of course not. You can walk into any bathroom and take pictures of people's genitals, but does that mean we need to restrict the use of cameras? I say no.

Bad Dragonite · #18

I think the main difference here is loot is looking at this through a collectivist lens, where Tazy is looking at things more on an individual level, the difference is loot tends to vilify opposition. Which is common of late, it just kinda proves my theory that sjw-ism is a religion.

On the protests, it's their right to boycott, I don't see it going anywhere though.

on the trans bathroom issue, I see it as something that's not black and white, you can't really make it illegal because there's no easy way to enforce it, but at the same time you can't make it a protected right so to speak because of the potential for bad people taking that for granted. (also I just want to point out when people say they're worried about sexual predators doing this they're not saying they think trans people are going to do it but that people could easily just say they were trans as a lie it's not transphobic) it should probably jist be left up to the owners of whatever business or be dealt with by gemder neutral bathrooms if dealt with at all (since trans people make up such a small small miniscule minority that it could be argued as pointless to cater to them, not saying i necessarily agree but it seems valid enough) and I like what a prominent YouTube trans woman said that if you're living the lifestyle right it shouldn't even be an issue for you anyway. No matter what you believe though, shouting down and vilifying other people for their opinions just gets you, not even nowhere, it sets you back several steps.

Random User · #19

[QUOTE="Vgfian, post: 1594846, member: 32425"]I think the main difference here is loot is looking at this through a collectivist lens, where Tazy is looking at things more on an individual level, the difference is loot tends to vilify opposition. Which is common of late, it just kinda proves my theory that sjw-ism is a religion.[/QUOTE]
Nah, that's an age-old concept, the collective lens. It's a regressive way to look at things, imo. Not too much to do with "SJWs," just far left enough in the social spectrum and you'll find that way of thinking with many individuals.

#20

I haven't read much of this thread, but enough that I think we're done here.