This might be a long month...

[Calamity Panfan]

so a lot of you might know that i've been interested in a girl from my old college for a few weeks now. After I transferred at semester we started talking on Facebook a for a few hours a week. Eventually that turned into texting basically all day every day. I actually had a little bit of a crush on her since I met her, but after talking to her all day every day for about a week I started to realize that I was having more feelings for her. This led me to drive six hours out to her college this weekend with basically the sole purpose of actually hanging out with her and eventually asking her out (and I guess seeing my best friend while I was there was cool too).

Weekend went really well, we played board games Friday night, had lunch together Saturday afternoon, watched the Wisconsin basketball game last night. She wanted to hang out one last time before I left today so I woke up somewhat early to hang in her room with her. We just talked for the next hour, and then it came time for me to leave. This is when I finally mustered up the courage to tell her how I was feeling. I told her that I've really enjoyed talking to her these past few weeks and that I had a lot of fun hanging out with her throughout the weekend. I asked her how she felt and if she thought we could be something more than friends.

And her answer was... maybe. She told me that she felt similar to me, that she also has really liked talking to me. However, she's been having a kinda crazy month and overall she's very confused and just doesn't know what she wants. She wants to get her **** together before she really gets into anything with anyone, so while she's not saying no to us being something more, she's not exactly saying yes either. She told me we were gonna keep talking, and that she was going to be visiting me in Minnesota in about a month. By then she said she would have her head clear, and we would be able to take whatever we've got going on from there.

So, I don't really know how I feel right now. I've never gotten even a maybe from a girl I've asked out before so this is kinda new for me. One of my friends basically said "that is some vague ass **** and if she hurts you I WILL CUT HER" when I told her, but I really don't think this is her being purposefully vague to delay her hurting me inevitably. She's not the type of person that would tell someone there's a chance when there's no actual chance (I've gone after that type, and it is terrible). It does seem that she at least has some feelings for me. From her smile throughout our entire conversation as well as her saying "well that wasn't so hard, was it?" afterwards it seems that she probably knew this entire weekend if not beforehand that I liked her and was going to ask her out eventually (do you think the fact that I drove 400 miles to see her tipped her off at all)

It's just, even though I'm (cautiously) optimistic about the whole situation, a month is a long time to wait for the answer to a "maybe." I really hope this goes well in the end.

Sorry for the wall of feelstexts but I wanted to share my excitement/nervousness about being in a potential relationship with y'all because this is pretty significant for me right now. This is the first time I've really put myself out there for anyone in a year (probably even longer since I've had feelings this strong for someone) so I'm really nervous about the whole thing. Also March if you're reading this I'm sorry I didn't visit you while I was in Milwaukee.

[Tyler]

Hopefully, that maybe will turn into a yes.

[smol Kat]

First off I laughed way harder than I should have at

Also March if you're reading this I'm sorry I didn't visit you while I was in Milwaukee.

u butt

But anyway, just remind yourself that she's worth it. That she wants to make sure she's ready for a relationship is a great sign. It's a huge sign of maturity. Good luck!

[CaptHayfever]

Here's to hoping, man. :)

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Valigarmander]

Good luck, bro. Hopefully the month will be over before you know it, and you'll get the answer you were looking for.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Just have realistic expectations. That's basically the key to everything, IMO.

[Calamity Panfan]

Well the good news is I didn't have to wait a month for my answer

The bad news is that the answer was no

[Booyakasha]

That's tough. Sorry, guy.

...I can't pretend it's nice, but, like, I can assume you've at least got a real answer here, and that's to the good, little as that might seem just now.

[United Nations]

It's nice you're not waiting anymore, but gosh, that really bites. Sorry, man. :(

[smol Kat]

Super sad face. :C

[Calamity Panfan]

It's all good, I was a little bit of a wreck last night but I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would be today.

[Scarecrow]

Oh man I was ready to wish you luck after reading your post man. Really sorry she said know but don't worry, you WILL find another girl. You will think about her, you will try and talk to her more, but when that other girl just comes along it's like that feeling again. Believe me, I know that feeling. ;)

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Sorry to hear things didn't go your way. There's always next time.

[Calamity Panfan]

Thanks, all of you. From what I know from her friends this might not be completely a lost cause? I dunno. I guess before I went to Wisconsin to see her she was pretty fond of me. Her friends were apparently surprised to find out she even gave me a maybe, because they thought this was a sure thing. So this was a pretty sudden change of heart, if their reports on her are to be trusted. I know from talking to her firsthand that she tries to avoid taking risks because she has a tendency to assume the worst possible outcome is the one that will happen (which I understand because I do the same thing). So maybe this is the case? That she's afraid to do this because she's scared that something might happen?

I mean I'm not getting my hopes up but if there's even a possibility that this is the case I think I need to at least talk to her more in-depth about the whole situation and how she's really feeling.

[smol Kat]

I'd say give her some more time, then talk to her more for sure.

[Calamity Panfan]

^ Yeah, right now it seems like what she wants is just to talk and not worry about anything beyond being friendly with maybe a little bit of flirting thrown in so that's what I'm doing. Probably gonna be a week or two or three before I do end up bringing up the question about our relationship again. She's still planning on visiting in May so that may be the best time, since it'll actually be in person.

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Yeah, it's probably better to wait until she visits in May.

[Random User]

It's good that she's wanting to get her situation in order before engaging in a relationship. If she had said yes while still under a lot of stress, I doubt it would've been super healthy for the relationship. Stick it out, a month'll be over before you realise it, and by then I'm sure your feelings for her and hers for you will have developed even further for a clear cut answer.

[Apollo the Just]

If she gave you a no, it may be best to not ask again unless she herself brings up the subject? Obviously I'm not there and you know your dynamics better than I do but, if it's her friends that say she means yes when she herself told you no, then trying to push the topic might make her feel like she can't be just friends with you without you wanting or insisting on a relationship? If that makes sense?

Like, if she herself has been dropping a lot of hints then totally talk to her to get real closure. But if she hasn't really said anything other than the "sorry, no" that she gave you and all you heard otherwise was from her friends, maybe that "no" was the closure? Does that make sense? Like I said though, you know your dynamics better than I do so use your own judgement. Whatever will give both of you comfortable, amicable closure, and preserve whatever friendship or relationship benefits both of you.

Either way, it's hard and it sucks when you're not sure where you stand in someone's eyes, especially when you want to stand in a certain place. Hugs, bro. *hugs*

[Calamity Panfan]

yeah i totally get what you're saying and i've thought about it myself *hugs*

I'm not sure if she's been dropping hints or not because I am absolutely terrible at recognizing them (as I have been told by girls that at one point liked me and I totally never caught on until it was too late). I mean we've continued talking a lot, most of it remains very similar to where we were at before but at the same time I feel like the conversations have gotten a lot more personal? Like we've been talking a lot more about stuff like our families, and she told me some more personal stuff that she had only kinda alluded to before. So I know we're taking steps forward at least, I just don't know if it's just as friends or if the possibility still lingers.

I'm really trying to evaluate our dynamics and figure out where we stand without me in my current state of being really into her just going "DUDE SHE JUST SENT YOU A SMILEY FACE THAT MEANS SHE WANTS THE D" so I can figure out if/when I should maybe approach her about it. Right now I'm keeping the ball in her court if she wants to open it up again, and if she does bring it up I think I know at least what I might say.