An open letter to the guy who was like two rows in front of me at the movie theater t

Calamity Panfan · #1

**** you. You are the worst person on the planet and I sincerely mean that. You just spent $7.50 to see this movie and what the flying **** do you do? Go on your smartphone and use Facebook. You do realize that the theater is full of other people who also spent $7.50 to see this movie, right? Yes, these people paid $7.50 to see the goddamn movie, not to be distracted by the incredibly bright screen of your ****ing phone, you selfish prick. You are the worst. You are human tennis elbow. You are the opposite of Batman. You are the AT&T of people. You are the pizza burn on the roof of life's mouth. Multiple times during the theater I was tempted to walk over to you and punch you in your ****ing face, but I didn't want to get kicked out of the theater (like you should've been, you ****ing douchebag). If I was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and you, and I was given a gun with two bullets, I would shoot you twice.

Love,
Panfan

Okay so I know this is kinda ridiculous and obviously it's hyperbole but texting in the theater pisses me off more than most other things. I honestly had trouble paying attention to the movie because this douche's phone was so bright.

spooky scary bearatons · #2

Panfan wrote: If I was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and you, and I was given a gun with two bullets, I would shoot you twice.

Bomby · #3

So wait... were you sitting behind Toby or Britta?

Calamity Panfan · #4

i would argue that this person is worse than both toby and britta

1-up Salesman · #5

Would you have minded the texting as much if his phone screen wasn't so bright?

Calamity Panfan · #6

If it wasn't so bright, I probably wouldn't have started altogether ignoring the movie and started staring at him in a rage, but I would still be pissed.

Like, come on, dude. There are at least 5 videos before and after the trailers start that say "HEY ASS****! TURN YOUR ****ING CELL PHONE OFF BECAUSE IT PISSES PEOPLE OFF AND YOU'RE A DOUCHEBAG IF YOU USE IT FOR ANY REASON OTHER THAN AN EMERGENCY. IF WE CATCH YOU ON YOUR PHONE DURING THE MOVIE WE WILL FIND YOU AND WE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN" Though if they did catch him on his phone and kick him out he'd probably make a scene about it.

March · #7

I rarely go to the movies, but that really ticks me off too when people do that. Absolutely ridiculous.

Deepfake · #8

Maybe somebody important to him was in the hospital, and he went to the movies to try and destress.

JK, he was probably ordering a hit.

Sim Kid · #9

Sounds like the kind of person I get stuck behind. I remember when I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, you could practically read by the light of all the texters.

RinkuTheFirst · #10

This is why I (usually) only go to the 4 o'clock showing of a movie that's already been out for two weeks; no annoying people on their phone. Really, no people in the theater at all.

Well, that, and I'm kind of poor and can only afford that showing (usually around $5 per ticket, which is dirt cheap.)

Another movie-going grievance though: People sitting in front of you, blocking your view, when there are plenty of other seats. This is especially a problem for me, as I am 5'3".

Calamity Panfan · #11

The 3-4 timeslot during the school year, in a season that's not summer, is the best time to see a movie. People aren't out of work/school long enough that they could also make a movie, and it's only $5.

I went to see The Hunger Games and The Avengers both on opening day, which I thought might be iffy experiences considering that they were the two biggest movies of the year (aside from The Dark Knight Rises later on in the year). However, seeing both movies opening day ended up being some of my best movie experiences ever, because I went between 3-4 (had school off when Hunger Games came out, got out early when The Avengers came out). Relatively small crowds, respectful people in them.

Antisocial · #12

I don't know how the hell Facebook works. I'm just assuming.

Mister Douchenozzle
feeling like an ***hole

Mister Douchenozzle i feel like someone's palpable hate has formed a drill and is currently piercing the back of my skull. eh probably nothin

6 minutes ago

Mister Douchenozzle some nachos would hit the spot right now lol

13 minutes ago

Mister Douchenozzle this movies kinda boring but hell am i not gonna get my money's worth

19 minutes ago

Mister Douchenozzle watchin a movie at the theater right now the trailers look pretty stupid hahahahaha

23 minutes ago

Mister Douchenozzle "turn off your cellphones?" what the **** does that mean? stupid adverts

28 minutes ago

Remove Mister Douchenozzle as a friend?
Are you sure you want to remove Mister Douchenozzle as your friend?

smol Kat · #13

Sonic 5 wrote:This is why I (usually) only go to the 4 o'clock showing of a movie that's already been out for two weeks; no annoying people on their phone. Really, no people in the theater at all.

Well, that, and I'm kind of poor and can only afford that showing (usually around $5 per ticket, which is dirt cheap.)

Another movie-going grievance though: People sitting in front of you, blocking your view, when there are plenty of other seats. This is especially a problem for me, as I am 5'3".

I hate this more than people texting at movies aaaaaah

(I'm 3 inches shorter than you)
(and I have weak knees making it hard to stay in one sitting position for too long)

Kil'jaeden · #14

How can someone be distracted from a huge screen by one little cell phone? Was it a flat theater or a stadium type?

YouTube · #15

^Any light source in a dark room draws the eye.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

Marilink · #16

^^Smartphones are not only incredibly bright, but the screen is also the entire phone. Especially in a dark room like a movie theater.

Deepfake · #17

They make them bright because of the capacitive touch screen being stupidly reflective. Well, that's why some of them are so reflective. Plenty of other products are made with reflective screens now, because consumers and designers are morons.

Calamity Panfan · #18

plus a reflective screen like that + glasses = glare

Sim Kid · #19

Relevant...

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/1355613 ... eatre-woes