I think relationships are dumb.

Jesus · #1

I've contemplated on this for years. I've been in relationships and I'd always feel (usually very fast) that they are a lot of work. I'd end up with a lot of self sacrifice and find myself doing things I didn't find enjoyable most of the time. I was able to compromise whenever I wanted to, but that'd mean she'd compromise something too. Then after being single for a long time and looking from the outside, I see that relationships are full of sacrifices and give and takes. There's relationships that are happy I'm sure. Maybe I haven't found someone with the same interests as me. I'm gonna be realistic with myself though. I'm actually happy being single and being able to do my own thing whenever I feel like it. I like having the freedom. I also like being alone most of the time. That's why also, I get irritated when people would use the line "Well I have a girlfriend so you can be quiet." and then I'd reply with "Who gives a ****" or "what's that have to do with this argument?". Like...stop using your relationship as a necessary social status symbol and waving it in my face to make you look better.

To those who are in relationships and are actually able to be happy most of the time, kudos to you. My personal feelings though, I think I'm happier without a relationship.

Random User · #2

I've felt similarly for a long time. Though I don't outright dislike the idea of getting in a relationship, I just don't care enough to get in one, because I don't see the point.

#3

There's nothing wrong with being happy on one's own. The eagle is alone but never lonely, and he rides the highest of high places.

Valigarmander · #4

Relationships aren't for everybody. All the power to you.

Deepfake · #5

I'm assuming then that you don't see the value in friendship, either?

Okay, I'm just saying that to prove a point, because friendship plus is basically all a romantic relationship really is. But people enter into romantic relationships with the impetus to give and take. Successful romances last because you're building something together, sometimes figuratively and sometimes literally. There are a lot of relationships where it seems like people just take your gifts and your interest and your attention and just shove it in their pile of accomplishments. That's never fun, and it's oftentimes the only thing you see around you, it's much more common to see someone else's romance-building start to collapse like a messed up jenga tower, just because one person stopped putting as much in on their side. Or maybe they're still putting in the building blocks, but they're only using those **** up L-shaped Tetris blocks. Or sometimes they start building another tower with someone else, and instead of putting their usual blocks in they're now doing some one and some another and they're wasting time by trying to run back and forth between the two. You could have all the relationships in the world, and never have one where your partner puts as much in as you expect.

But, you know, you don't actually have to participate. It's not for everyone. Don't do something unless you want to and you can appreciate the value in it.[DOUBLEPOST=1401050081,1401049822][/DOUBLEPOST][QUOTE="Jesus, post: 1465124, member: 16999"]That's why also, I get irritated when people would use the line "Well I have a girlfriend so you can be quiet." and then I'd reply with "Who gives a ****" or "what's that have to do with this argument?"[/QUOTE]
Hey, just a thought. If you get that response, it might have something to do with you leading in with "Relationships are dumb!" - you're probably just offending them and they want you to know why. Since you're essentially declaring that you think people who are in relationships are making a poor choice and you think ill of their decision making as a result. That's what most people will probably infer.

Or they're implying you're just griping because you're not in a relationship, but again that's probably because they're not keen on something.

Jesus · #6

^Nah I'd never speak my mind about relationships to those who are in one. Like I'll use something my friend said once. We were playing Smash Brawl and you know how when its just guys. We'd make fun of eachother every now and then. One of our friends would always use the comeback "Well I got a girlfriend and you don't". Idk, I'd always roll my eyes if you keep using that as your return insult.

I guess I'm selfish in all honesty. I've tried relationships and I can't seem to find anyone who makes me happy. I gave up because I can't find that someone but I'm okay with that. I guess as of today I just kind of accepted it for what it was. I also realize I'm happier when I'm alone than in groups too. Heck...I love my friends but I think even if I didn't have any that I'd be happy too that way. I don't know how else to explain it.

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · #7

There's an idea in society where everyone thinks you need to be in a relationship, and if you're not in one, you must want to be and if you say otherwise, you're lying. I'm sure you'll get something along those lines, just ignore it.

Jesus · #8

^This. Also....I feel bad for saying this but I can't keep enough interest in a girl for long enough. I usually get annoyed with ongoing small talk and even more-so when I can't get away from it. I sound like a guy when I say it but....whenever someone would ramble on like that I'd always say "yeah" or "ok" every few seconds whenever they finish a sentence or reply with some other small reply.

Deku Tree · #9

[QUOTE="I REALLY HATE POKEMON!, post: 1465174, member: 18119"]There's an idea in society where everyone thinks you need to be in a relationship, and if you're not in one, you must want to be and if you say otherwise, you're lying. I'm sure you'll get something along those lines, just ignore it.[/QUOTE]

I thought you said it was important not to go against one's biological imperative.

#10

[QUOTE="Jesus, post: 1465150, member: 16999"]...and you know how when its just guys...[/QUOTE]

Or you know how it is when it's just me and any of my good friends regardless of gender?

Don't get me wrong here, I'm in full support of a person being happy on their lonesome. That's something you have to rock, absolutely. But maybe part of your problem has been having weird gender perspectives, and thus not finding cool people to try and have your relationships with. Did you ever try changing your approach? That might attract someone you can dig if you're not all hung up on "this is what the guys do" and "this is the default failure of relationships" and the whole "wow how dumb" which is a really basic viewpoint of a complex and expansive world.

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · #11

^^ lol @ relationships being biological imperative

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biological_imperative

"Quality of life seeking" is a biological imperative, too, and a girlfriend would impede that. Besides, I have additional personal reasons for not being interested in a mate.

Jesus · #12

^^I mis-stepped on using a gender-grouping with the "guys" sentence. But no, I've just thought about it and I'd rather not be in one altogether. It's not that I can't get into one...but I feel like I'm happier by myself. I've never used the stereotype of how a guy acts to a girl either. In fact, I'd want to be respectful to girls all the time and there'd be people who'd get judgmental about me being "too nice" or stuff like that. That's how I was. But no...I'm truly not happy being in a relationship and it's not that I'm looking for a certain someone either in particular. For those who are happy, more power to them. I guess in addition to everything, I'll go out and say how I've been hurt every time and I also got fed up with that too. I don't think I had any real gender perspectives stated in my rants intentionally but if they came off that way I apologize. No matter how I approach it, I can't find happiness with being with someone. At least not yet anyway.

#13

[QUOTE="Jesus, post: 1465221, member: 16999"]I don't think I had any real gender perspectives stated in my rants intentionally but if they came off that way I apologize.[/QUOTE]

No, you really do:
[QUOTE="Jesus, post: 1465175, member: 16999"]^This. Also....I feel bad for saying this but I can't keep enough interest in a girl for long enough. I usually get annoyed with ongoing small talk and even more-so when I can't get away from it. I sound like a guy when I say it but....whenever someone would ramble on like that I'd always say "yeah" or "ok" every few seconds whenever they finish a sentence or reply with some other small reply.[/QUOTE]

Your posts are steeped in assigning actions based on a generic presumption about both genders. I'm sorry, maybe you're oblivious to it? But really.

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · #14

I'm not sure what he said you're picking out specifically. I must be oblivious to it too, because it seems like he's saying normal things to me.

#15

:facepalm: Yeah. Yep. That is of no surprise to me whatsoever, IRHP.

smol Kat · #16

Hmm. Relationships like the one you're talking about in your OP: "I have an SO so be quiet" are actually pretty dumb. That's because they're superficial. [e: and I am of the opinion that they are as such because of various insecurities ABOUT said relationship; relationships with out that are awesome] I mean, don't get me wrong. I truly enjoyed being single, whenever I was. But once you get past the small talk and actually start BUILDING, as AI points out above...it's so incredibly rewarding. If you do find someone with whom to do that, then great. If not, just as great.

#17

[QUOTE="Jesus, post: 1465175, member: 16999"]^This. Also....I feel bad for saying this but I can't keep enough interest in a girl for long enough. I usually get annoyed with ongoing small talk and even more-so when I can't get away from it. I sound like a guy when I say it but....whenever someone would ramble on like that I'd always say "yeah" or "ok" every few seconds whenever they finish a sentence or reply with some other small reply.[/QUOTE]

He can't stay interested in girls, because of ongoing small talk, and he sounds like a guy for saying it, but he gives short, bored responses.

Okay. People make small talk. Not females. Not males. People. And worse (for you, considering), they usually do it because they are interested or like someone, and want to have something to say to them - by majority, people don't natter on if they dislike you. But the assumption presented, the gender-heavy assumption, is that GIRLS blather on and he finds it soooo boring that he can only barely manage the GUY'S monosyllabic response. No. No. That just means that he's not interested in what the other person has to say. This is not girls or guys business. But his entire perception of the interaction is whether it's females doing the talking, and the males not giving two hoots. I'm sorry, but I have quiet female friends, and vocal male friends, and when I care about them, I listen and engage in the conversation, not just grunt and brush it off. So again, it's not gendered behaviour, it's simple disinterest.

But the whole point was that he doesn't think he brings gender into it, yet the post I've quoted is all about gender.

Deku Tree · #18

[QUOTE="I REALLY HATE POKEMON!, post: 1465206, member: 18119"]^^ lol @ relationships being biological imperative

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biological_imperative

"Quality of life seeking" is a biological imperative, too, and a girlfriend would impede that. Besides, I have additional personal reasons for not being interested in a mate.[/QUOTE]
But you said a couple not having kids is going against their biological imperative. I imagine many who choose not to have kids do so for quality of life reasons.

#19

There is nothing inherently female about small talk. Christ, about 99% of what I say on these forums is literal 'small' 'talk'----see how much more time I've spent talking about Star Wars and ponies and Blast Corps and eagles over the past thousand years compared to literally everything ive ever said in PPR. (Or hey, maybe im just a big lady and never knew it ever.)

#20

You're the finest lady ever to live, Boo.