How do these people get out the front door in the morning?

[Sim Kid]

"Hello, welcome to Subway, how can I help you today?"
"I'll have that." *doesn't even point*
"Sir, I don't know what 'that' is. What is it?"
"That."
"Is it this?"
"The brown stuff."
"The steak?"
"Yes! That!"

"Do you want chips or a drink with your sub?"
"Yes"
"Okay your total will be $7.78."
"No I just want the sandwich."
"God damn it then tell me you just want the sandwich."

"Hello, welcome to Subway, how can I help you today?"
"Uh... gimme a minute. Okay. Now I'm ready."
"What would you like?"
"..... ..... ..... I don't know. What's good?"

"What kind of vegetables would you like?"
"Tons of vegetables."
"Damn it - I don't know what you want on there!" "What kind of veggies?"
"Tons of them."
"I know that, what kind of vegetables do you want?"
"Tons of them."
"God damn it - give me a kind." "Sir, I don't know what you kinds of vegetables to put on your sandwich. I don't want to put something on you don't want."
"Lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, onions."
"See? how was I supposed to know you wanted those?" "Thanks."


"I'll have everything on my sandwich.... wait wait wait I didn't want pickles on there. No, I didn't want spinach."

"I'm trying to eat healthy - I'll have lots and lots of Ranch."
"Very healthy!"

"do you guys have tacos?"
THIS. IS. SUBWAY!!!!

"Do you want chips or a drink?"
"Yes."
*they pay*
"Wait a second, that's supposed to be $5."
"You ordered a meal deal."
"No I didn't."
*prints out a receipt*
"You charged me for chips and a drink."
"I asked if you waned chips and a drink - did I misunderstand you?"
*he takes the bag of chips* "Refund me please."
"You will have to pay for the bag of chips."

"How does that $5 after 4 PM work?"
"After 4 PM, if you buy two subs, you get them for $5 each."
"I'll have a Teriyaki."
"Alright, what's your second sub?"
"No I just want one."
"OKay but that won't be $5 because you have to get two subs for that promo to work."
*gets at the register* "wtf that's supposed to be $5."
"No, you only have one."

"Do you guys sell pizzas?"
*as they are saying this... I am cutting a Pizza right there*


"I'll have a chicken sandwich."
"What kind of chicken?"
"Chicken."
"What kind of chicken?"
"Chicken!"
"We have multiple kinds - the chicken breast, the chicken bacon ranch, the sriracha chicken melt, the chicken teriyaki, the buffalo chicken, and the cordon bleu. What kind?"
"The kind you always give me."
"...I have no ****ing idea who you are." "Sir, I don't know what your regular is."
"Chicken Teriyaki."
"See? how was I supposed to know that?" "Thank you. Provolone, Pepperjack, White american cheese?"
"Yes."


"Sir? Can I help you?"
*is busy yammering on the phone*
"Sir? Hello?"
"Hold on a second... this guy at Subway is being really rude."

"The credit card system isn't working. Do you have another way to pay?"
"Uh, can you use this?"
"No, that is a credit card."
"Can you use my DEBIT card?"
"that uses the same reader as the credit card."
"Can I use this?"
"No that is a debit card."


"Sir, we can't take discover cards."
"What if I manually enter it?"
"No, we can't take Discover. You will have to use another card."
*he takes out another discover card*


"That will be $14.50."
"here take money off this card."
"That's a card for Starbucks."
"Oops! Use this!"
"You ahve only $0.10 on this."
"What's that mean?"
"You owe $14.40."
"Okay use this."
"This has only 90 cents on it."
"Use this."
"This one only has 20 cents."
"Use this one now."
"This one has a dollar and forty cents on it."
"Use this one."
"This one doesn't have anything on it."
"Use this one."
"Okay, can you just use a credit card? You have used five cards on this."

"I'll have a melt, please."
*starts making a melt.
"No. A melt. A MELT."
"Sir this is a melt."
"Tuna melt."
Oh, silly me, I forgot I dont' have telepathy.

[b l a n k]

You could have heard a pin drop.

[Valigarmander]

The food industry sucks. I can't wait until I'm a famous astronaut or something and won't have to do this anymore.

[LOOT]

Mind you I make the best lazy cheapskate pizza.

... You know, working in Little Caesar's for a year and a half now, I rarely, almost never deal with these kinds of customers, and if I have I pretty much completely forget about it after a day.

And this is Little Caesar's.

Home of the $5 pizza for lazy cheapskates.

[CaptHayfever]

^Exactly, Caesar's menu is almost too basic to screw up.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Booyakasha]

I don't know. Like...it's a service job. You're bound to get some goofballs in the mix. I try to think of ninny questions as a pleasant nuisance to be handled with avuncular hair-tousling good humour. (Granted, I don't deal with customers but the first hour of any shift---might could be I'd feel different if I worked days.)

[smol Kat]

When I worked restaurant I would always go drink after work for exactly this reason.

"Ooh, you work in food? YOU MUST BE PSYCHIC."

I also wanna add that I always made a point to not wait on customers on their phones until they addressed me. Wouldn't wanna be "rude." (actually, the liquor store my boyfriend goes to has a sign saying something to that effect; I think it's bloody brilliant.)

[United Nations]

I know retail is an entirely different beast, but as someone who worked retail for 3 years, the customers are the same and you have my sincerest sympathies. <3

[I REALLY HATE POKEMON!]

Well, here's a story to balance things.

Me: Do you have Chicken Salad Sandwiches?
Subtard: Yes.
Me: I'll take one.
*She asks what veggies I want, I tell her, she puts it in a big bowl and prepares it. Things are fine, and I wait for her to ask what bread I
want. Instead she puts it all in a normal salad container*
Me: I said "Chicken Salad Sandwich."
Subtard: *bitchy look* I know.
Me: o_o ok *talk to friend while waiting*
Subtard: That will be [insert price].
Me: *Looking at food. It still isn't a sandwich. Guess I'm having salad...*

God I hate ordering fast food anywhere in town.

[Scarecrow]

It's sometimes either side that can be a pain.

[Valigarmander]

So I work at a deli. And we sell things like jo jo potatoes and chicken strips and such. And most people who get those things like to eat them with ranch, which is cool. I like them with ranch too. Yet as it so happens, occasionally so many people will take ranch that we'll run out of stock. You wouldn't believe how offended some people get when you tell them there's no ranch. Often accompanied by a dumbfounded stare, like I just insulted their mother or something. And half the time they'll just storm off without buying whatever they originally wanted, because how the hell could anyone possibly eat chicken strips without ranch?

I could understand if it was just a single instance with a single customer, but this happens time and time again... and always with the freaking ranch.

[Booyakasha]

^Recommend ketchup.

Even outside of the deli. Like, walk up to people on the street and ask if they know about ketchup.

This might be important.

[Valigarmander]

I recommend ketchup all the time. Barbecue sauce and honey mustard, too.

"NO RANCH NO SALE."

[Apiary Tazy]

It's a Hidden Valley Conspiracy!

[Booyakasha]

^^Maybe you aren't doing enough to spread the ketchup gospel in your community, my son.

[Valigarmander]

I've tried, but in my heart I only have faith in horseradish.

[LOOT]

^Exactly, Caesar's menu is almost too basic to screw up.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

1) You'd be surprised once in a blue moon

2) Most deviations are nice breaks of pace from the norm of putting stomach-cancer inducing pepperonis on every goddamn pizza it takes so much time. I made my first vegan pizza last week, turned out looking pretty decent. Favorite thing to make is, ironically, the Ultimate Supreme which of course has pepperonis, but putting everything else on, then seeing your masterpiece pop out of the other side of the oven, hot dang.

I don't really expect people to compliment us on our baking, have had a few though, including one who called to say I was the first one to get their "extra light sauce" order completely right.

On the subject of running out of ranch, that's why we keep the packets of red peppers and Parmesan cheese behind the register, since putting them out leads to rather generous takings.

[CaptHayfever]

I enjoy my stomach cancer, thankyouverymuch.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Sim Kid]

Yes, this is me sending the message to RHU.

http://www.retailhellunderground.com/my ... -made.html