Why does this hurt so much?!?

Sim Kid · #1

So just to make sure everything was okay, and I do mean everything, I had some tests done. And I got the results back. I'm sterile.

Why am I crying so much?! I don't even want to have kids!! I've considered getting in a relationship and getting married in the future, yes, but kids? Every time I considered that I would have just thought of adopting. But now I can't. WHY DOES THIS HURT ME SO MUCH?!?

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · #2

I suppose that it's just the option being stripped from you that hurts. Sorry to hear about this.

Random User · #3

I think IRHP is right on that one. I'm sorry man, I hope things lighten up for you soon.

monstrman · #4

Yeah... maybe deep down you thought somewhere "maybe one day i -will-was want to have kids." And now that can never happen. You just gotta buck up and blow past this. You'll feel better about it eventually... sucks though my condolences to your little swimmers.

#5

I'm so sorry for you, Sim Kid... *giant hugs*

I struggle to explain the following in a clear manner...

It hurts because the choice has been taken away even if you have been considering adoption. It's a loss of a 'gift', or perhaps a loss of the power of choice, or a loss or threat to one's person (masculinity?), no matter what your other thoughts were. It's perhaps also the uncertainty of your future now; how this will impact your life not just now, but your future relationships and choices.

All feelings of loss are personal.

With that sense of loss, you will experience grief and the 'stages' that go with that. You will likely feel many emotions and perhaps feel changed or different now that you have this knowledge. It is important that you get emotional support from those you feel most comfortable with.

I would like to reassure you that you are STILL a complete man, intelligent, with a great sense of humour and have options ahead of you. And in time, you can research your infertility and the options available to you and your future partner/family.

#6

Aw, dude, I'm so sorry about your news. Discovering something like this is a shock. We all take it as simple fact that we're working the way they've told us we do, and society still has that deep-seated false notion about "normality". You've been trained to have expectations of yourself, to have a measure of your own being by these set of qualities. Give yourself time to grieve over your loss. In time, you will adjust to the new sense of self. It will be okay.

smol Kat · #7

wow, I'm really sorry to hear that. IRHP and Hottie and ESSDEE have explained pretty much everything perfectly, and you're right, adopting is a good choice. That doesn't make it suck less, I know :(

ThatDude100 · #8

Sorry to hear that dude. Feeling hurt for something like this is normal, whether it's something you wanted or not. I guess it's just reverse psychology. I guess people are comfortable with options, but, once option A is taken away,. we feel like we got screwed. I'm going to tell you that by tomorrow you're going to be smiling and doing backflips, you probably won't. Bad news is something you get over without knowing you got over it. It's like when you're trying to remember something, and it's making you want to punch yourself in the butt because you can't remember it, then someone tells you, "don't think about it", and you remember it out of nowhere 2 days later. I don't know anything about psychology, but, i'd say you're not so much hurt than mad. I will say that being upset about it and thinking about it won't have it get any easier or better, it'll get you nowhere. I know it's easier said than done, but, just put your mind somewhere else, and you'll eventually get over it without even knowing you did.,

Deepfake · #9

I can understand your pain, it's not the sort of thing anybody wants to hear and obviously it's certainly going to make you wonder about the rest of your health and how it will affect relationships. It doesn't change who you are, though, and it doesn't have to mean anything about your personal worth.

I'm sorry if this in any way sounds insensitive, but you can try to look for a silver lining, though, and I don't just mean in a selfish way - birth control is still very risky for women's health, and a lot of contraceptives are disappointing or just downright unpleasant.

And good on you for even mentioning adoption, you're an all right guy if that's your first thought.

Sim Kid · #10

Thank you guys so much for your support in all this. I think I figured out (thanks in part to you all) why I had such a breakdown.

I'm glad all of oyu guys are there for me for something like this.