Subway is a cosmic nexus of stupidity.

Discussion should include supportive responses.

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#21

Post by Rubber Band Man » Thu Jul 01, 2010 11:25 pm

Lurch1982 wrote: Papa Murpheys in Alabama just doesn't seem like it'll work just out of the change deal.
It's actually making a killing in North Alabama (Decatur, Huntsvile, Cullman), but Birmingham itself is just a stubborn city. The suburbs (Which is where we're located, just outside of Bham) are actually eating it up, and if we can get in Mountain Brook (A really rich area, which according to a lot of customers, we'd make a killing in) we'll be good to go. Owner wanted to open up 8 stores by 2012, we've gotten 2 and are on the way to a 3rd, so it's worked out. You still have those people who haven't tried it, and refuse to just because it's "different"

Hell, we've had a Pizza Hut mole try out our pizza and leave us some nasty comments on our survey.
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#22

Post by DarkZero » Fri Jul 02, 2010 7:20 am

I think Sim Kid's point about the pizza isn't that they don't have any, but that there's a pizza place RIGHT THERE.
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#23

Post by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds » Sat Jul 03, 2010 9:16 am

I'm happy to eat a meatball sub with lettuce on it. I like lettuce. It's not terribly different than any other toasted sub having salads on it.

I wish Subway did have mayo-free tuna. I enjoy a good tuna sandwich, and I even like it with mayo on it, but when it's pre-mixed, it's more mayo than tuna, and usually has bizarre additions to it (like celery bits or pickles or some crap, bleh). Plain tuna from a tin/can (in brine, spring water, or oil) is overwhelmingly common everywhere I've ever been except Subway, seems. XD
Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

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#24

Post by Sim Kid » Sat Jul 03, 2010 5:30 pm

I still hate tuna anyways. It smells terrible.


ps, who wants to hear the absolute weirdest and most outrageous customer stories? :P At least you get comedy material this way.

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#25

Post by CaptHayfever » Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:40 am

Please, do tell.

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#26

Post by Nomyt » Sun Jul 04, 2010 5:53 am

Go on.
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#27

Post by Sim Kid » Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:09 pm

8:30 AM. Someone comes up, and walks right into the sandwich vein.
I ask, "Whoa dude, you okay?" But he doesn't respond.
You know those games like Morrowind where NPCs get something in their way and try to walk through it? Well that's EXACTLY what this guy was trying to do. Finally, he just said,
"Maaan! This wasn't here last time I was in engineering!"
I just looked over at the dumbstruck manager and said, "This is going to be a long five and a half hour shift, isn't it?"


Homecoming week.
Adult: asdfkjhasdklgjeqwkljbqkljthewry.
Me: "Uhm, sir, I can't understand you."
Adult: hkjshdgalksghqwgqoiu
Me: "Can you spit the tobacco out, please?" (I smelled Tobacco)
*he gets out of line...walks over to a dip to the carpeted area, then spits the big ol gob of tobacco out ON THE CARPET before coming back in line.*


Me: "That'll be $10.40."
High school band camper: O.O "FOR A SANDWICH?"
Me: "That's $6.75 for the sandwich, and $3 for the bags of chips he stuffed in your backpack."

Me: "Your total comes to $5.34."
Customer: "WTF Man that's not $5!"
Me: "Sales tax." *eyeroll*
Customer: "I'm reporting you to the BBB For false advertisement!"
Me: "Good luck with that."

Customer: Does the orchard chicken salad have bugs in it?
Manager: ...What?!
Customer: Yeah, bugs.
Manager: Nope, it shouldn't. It had chicken, mayonnaise, celery, cranberries, and raisins.
Customer: oh it does have bugs in it - wait, I meant raisins.

Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes » Ix Nay On The Eesh Squeesh <-- That's me in here serving the customer. :P

Me: "CSU Subway this is Sim Kid speaking, how can I help you?"
Customer: Yeah, I'd like to order an 18-foot party sub.
Me: "Okay, which kind?" *takes out the ordering form*
Customer: Blablablabla...this that...this kind...this and that...more or less....and that. Put it on the white-and-wheat-braided-bread.
Me: "When do you want to pick it up?"
Customer: 10:30
Me: "What date?"
Customer: ....TODAY!
Me: WAIT-SIR-
*click*

Sure enough at 10:30, he's right there and says, "HEY! WHERE'S MY PARTY ORDER?" and didn't believe the manager when she said that he has to give more than two and a half hours' notice before placing a party order. :| I had to physically show him the part on the "Party subs order form" where it says, "Please give at least 24-hours notice when placing a party sub order" before he realized that we weren't just lazy and it actually WAS physically impossible to have made an 18-foot party sub on the white-wheat cross within the timespan of two and a half hours. (Dude, the bread's probably not even done BAKING in that timespan!) So then the dude decided to just buy 18 footlongs, cut them into thirds, and proceeded to hog Subway for about an hour while all the students in line were angry at him. :mad:

Customer: Excuse me, your Sprite's out of syrup.
Me: Okay, lemme get it refilled. *shouts to the back*
Customer: *is dumping the ENTIRE 32-oz cup of soda water and ice on the floor....and it's in the middle of the lunch rush*
Me: ...Sir? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?
Customer: Oh sorry, I missed.
Me: *thinking, "Yeah right, you're a friggin METER away from the soda drain, HOW CAN YOU MISS unless your hand-eye coordination is really THAT bad."* ugggh.....
(Now somebody has to mop it up, and there were already at least forty customers in line and we had to ask 'em all to move. And, for the rest of the day, we have a bunch of customers slipping)


Me: Do you want Parmesan or Oregano?
Customer: ...On what?
Me: ...On the sandwich?

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#28

Post by March » Sun Jul 04, 2010 2:07 pm

...eesh squeesh?
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#29

Post by heh » Sun Jul 04, 2010 3:43 pm

person with job that involves talking to customers meets lots of stupid people, news at 11

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#30

Post by Sim Kid » Sun Jul 04, 2010 7:11 pm

^ And they're stupidly funny! :P

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#31

Post by MeowMan » Mon Jul 05, 2010 2:14 am

When I grow up, I want to work at Subway.

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#32

Post by CaptHayfever » Mon Jul 05, 2010 3:38 am

VGF Forums: Eesh Squeesh.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

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#33

Post by Jailbreaker » Tue Jul 06, 2010 10:05 am

Eesh Squeesh?

I wonder if I have enough points to change my username. Edit: Dammit Edit Edit: Thanks Marchie

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#34

Post by Nomyt » Tue Jul 06, 2010 1:34 pm

Can we put drunk customers on here? I've got a few good drunk customers too.

Oh, and pikey people too....
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#35

Post by March » Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:16 pm

I'm intrigued.
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#36

Post by MeowMan » Tue Jul 06, 2010 11:01 pm

I want to hear more of this.

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#37

Post by Galefore » Wed Jul 07, 2010 1:46 pm

You know, I love this kind of **** and have dealt with similar problems working in the Music Store I used to do oddjobs for, but man, I know from experience that there is a select breed of people who go into restaurants just to **** with people. I can't help but think a few of these instances were examples of IRL trolling. Though stupidity does run deep, and I'm probably just being optimistic. D:

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#38

Post by Nomyt » Wed Jul 07, 2010 5:33 pm

Landies, and Jelly spoons.....Drunk customers.

Customer: I want that!!! *points*
Me: Which one???? *getting slightly drunk of his breathe.*
Customer: *points*
Me: oh, kidneys.... Lamb's, Pig's or Beef?
Customer: Uh....er....Pig. That'll be okay in my pocket while I go into the pub for two hours....
Me: Er....you want to know if raw meat will be fine, in your pocket, in a hot pub?....yeah, mate sure....

Customer walks in with a toy dragon under one arm and a doll under the other.
Customer: I want a pie.
Me: What kind?
Customer: Meat
Me: -_-' Yeah, guessed that. I have loads of different meat pies...
*Customer points at one*.
*Me grabs pie, and puts it in a bag, then places on the counter*
*customer picks it up and starts walking off*
Me: You need to pay for it.
Customer: I'll bring it tomorrow.
Me: Dude, you're pissed. Money now.
Customer: Look this is my son *holds up dragon toy* and this is my daughter *holds up doll, then starts to walk off*
Me: Cool, but you still need to pay.
Customer: Get it tomorrow.
Workmate: No, you pay. *I start play with a knive, workmate (who's bigger than me, and therefore more scary), goes around and blocks the blokes the front door*
Customer: How big are your fists?
Workmate: Big enough.
Customer: You better count this out then. *and throws change on the floor*
*I quickly count it from where I said.*
Me: Yeah, you can go now.
*We're now five pound richer.

Annnnnddddd, now the pikey's. For those that don't know what a pikey is, it's an Irish Traveller. Usually thief stuff left, right, and centre. The kinda people you'd count your fingers after shaking their hands. If you've seen Snatch, you'll know what they sound like too....

Pikey *places meat onto the counter* : Doallthatforatenner?
Me: Huh?
Pikey: Doallthat for atenner?
Me: Can't mate, that's *count up the price* £30 worth there.
Pikey: Yatakingthepiss, youcandothatallforatenner...
Me: No, I can't. If I did, I'd be out a job. Do you want that all or not?
Pikey: Yeah.
Me *places everything in bags, and stuff*: That's £30 please?
Pikey: That'sa****ingjoke, *pulls out a big wad of twenty pound notes (about £500 worth) and gives me one £20 note.* Here'stwenty. *puts notes away*
Me: Well I see how you make your money mate.....Still need another ten mate.
Pikey: ****you *walks out*
Me: Thank you don't come again orIsetthedawgsonya *in a passable irish accent.*

Pikey: Give us a free packet of pork bones?
Me: Spend more than £5's worth of meat first?
Pikey: Have a heart, it's for me daughter.....
Me: Sorry can't...wait, for you what??

Pikey *points at meat cooking on the cooker*: Give us a slice of that?
Me: Yeah, it does look good doesn't it, but that won't be ready till tomorrow.
Pikey: Aw...I want it now...*seriously* can't you slice me a bit off?
Me: No, it's not ready, it'll still half raw
Pikey: *starts crying* You're breakin my heart, I just want a slice.
Me: I just want to go home, but I can't cos it's not the right time...just like that meat.
Pikey goes outside and takes to a little girl, who then comes in....
Girl pikey: Why can't he have a slice of that?
Me: It's not ready, still half raw, won't be ready till tomorrow, if he has some now it'll make him ill....
Girl pikey: Ah, okay. Sorry about him.
Me: No probs.

The rolled up wad of notes happen way often.
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#39

Post by March » Wed Jul 07, 2010 7:32 pm

^That second one is fantastic. Haha
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#40

Post by Deku Tree » Thu Jul 08, 2010 1:21 pm

Haha, Pikeys.

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