Moderator: Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
are you saying that this entire situation is made up or whatLurch1982 wrote:If by old and crotchety, you mean "adjusted, normal, non-emotionally stunted, functional member of society that doesn't need to do the modern equivalent of telling people you have a girlfriend in Canada or England or some other far-away land so nobody has to verify it," then sure.
I'm not discounting the entire concept of meeting people on the Internet. 2010 Internet provides much easier opportunities to meet likeminded people in your area. Even five or six years ago, it was extremely hard to meet people outside of your school, let alone 10 years ago. Things like Facebook are great for that. HOWEVER, the difference between than doing something like that (and actually meeting the person) and doing something like online dating someone in another state or country (barring something like someone in NY dating someone in NJ or something similar) is that it needlessly injects distance. Distance is the bigger thing that doesn't work. It adds multiple levels of complexity and a higher degree of stress.Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds wrote:You're still being pretty closed about how any relationships are under the same kinds of strain as one based on the internet, Lurch. Consider what you've said: it would be hard for a lot of people to believe "love" is something you can feel after a month of dating anyone, but that doesn't mean you would be assuming the whole time that the other person feels nothing.
There isn't an unimaginable difference in having a relationship start out as something solely online, and a relationship you maintain over any great distance and can only see your partner on rare occasions. For that matter, keeping a longterm relationship going if your partner is away is just as difficult for those who are starting out online. You might "know" them in person, but you're still facing the same problems of communication and have to work towards contact and maintaining trust and love over distance.
There's nothing unhealthy, unstable or emotionally challenged in meeting people online and finding you have the same basis of connection that leads to every real relationship. You might feel that people need to have constant, ongoing in-person experiences to have a "real" relationship, but the standards still apply: you must share interests, have similar beliefs and outlooks on life, be understanding of the other person and willing to compromise and work towards a continuing connection. These things are required, no matter where your relationship begins. Love doesn't just "happen".
No one intends on their online relationship staying online forever. Just like, ultimately, no one intends on their relationship staying at a "hand holding, goodnight kiss on the cheek" stage, either. The "chances to grow" you speak of must be something completely different to you than they are for me (and everyone else, maybe?), since a legit online relationship will go the same route as an offline relationship in time. At some point, if the relationship is progressing appropriately and both parties are genuine about it, they will do what they have to to be together in person and continue the growth of their partnership.
Keep in mind that it's reasonable and appropriate to believe that the person you're dating (regardless of online or not) should be interested in dating you because they do feel something for you. I personally feel that anyone who "dates" just to see if they might feel something eventually is starting their relationship on far shakier terms than those who meet someone online who share interests and viewpoints, etc, etc. If you're not friends with the person in the first place, what are you investing yourself in? Their looks? Is that more legitimate than knowing you have common ground in the first place?
For the record, I didn't intentionally "forgo" anything when dating online. The people I knew in person were absolutely not going to provide any kind of healthy, functioning relationship. But I had met someone online who was a very good match to my personality, so that was pretty normal and healthy for me. If I had first met AI in person, rather than online, I wouldn't have been shirking the opportunity to date him in lieu of a possible internet person, you know? ;)
More or less, the way you seem to be looking at it is kind of flawed. Not because online relationships are any more likely to work, but because they're not inherently more likely to fail. They are harder to do right, because most people are pretty selfish and don't know how to communicate and compromise in the first place. You need a lot more patience to keep a long distance relationship going. It's often financially more demanding than your average relationship. That doesn't change the fact that you can meet people online who you have a special connection with (doesn't that sound terribly fruity? XD) and build that into a fully traditional relationship, with all the bells and whistles included. The internet is just another avenue to meet people. It's foolish to discount the whole deal on principle, particularly when you're fully aware of our bizzaroland of "success stories".
This was hilarious to me for some reason.Out-of-Control Inflatable Gorilla Fire wrote:I think the problem here is that Lurch is confusing "the Internet" with "Halo" - I can say with authority that you should not date any girls you meet in Halo.
