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I Know My 9-Year-Old Son's 'Type': Pretty Boys With Dark Hair

Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 9:52 pm
by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
Prepare yourself for warm-fuzzies, because this dad is amazing.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dave-dad/ ... 49833.html
I went to pick up my kids from school the other day, my usual 3 o'clock date with the playground. My eldest son's teacher met me as I walked up, all atwitter with excitement. "We had some high-school seniors come in today to do some tutoring, and your son just really clicked with one of the boys," she told me. "He just talked and talked to him, and they got along so well." She knows just how painfully shy my son can be around new people and was just as happy as I was that he could find someone to interact with in a way other than hiding behind someone taller than he and sneaking glances around their torso.

"Let me guess," I said. "Is this boy slim, dark-haired and very pretty?" Most people can't talk to people they find attractive, but my shy, shy boy is the exact opposite.

"But... how did... how did you know that?" she asked.

I know what my 9-year-old son's "type" of guy is. This is not something I expected to have knowledge of, not when my son was 9, and perhaps not ever. But that knowledge is in my brain anyway, and now I have to deal with it. And as much as it weirds me out, it is so cute to see him when the right kind of boy walks into his life.

And please stop your internal monologue: This has nothing to do with sex. My son is gay, but he is also 9, so he is not the "lustful cockmonster" (thank you for that turn of phrase, Chris Kluwe) that so many homophobes try to paint all gay people as. My son wants to play video games with these boys. Throw a football with them. Maybe hold their hand as they walk back from the park after throwing that football.

And another word on your internal monologue: My uncomfortableness has nothing to do with him being gay. It's the fact that I know my son's type that weirds me out. It wouldn't make a difference if he were 23 years old and into cute Chinese ladies or hairy Hungarian honeys; knowing my son's type is weird. Slim, fit, dark-haired boys with strikingly pretty faces just set his heart all aflutter. You can see it on his face, and it is cute, even if it makes me go all wiggy-giggy in the dad part of my brain.

Your internal monologue is starting to piss me off.

One of those pretty boys walked into our lives just a few weekends ago. We were having one of our impromptu trips to my brother-in-law's family, who live two hours away in the great, unwashed hinterlands of the interior of our state. We all love spending time at my in-laws' house. It is a stress-free weekend with more friends than family, all our children getting along so well and my brother-in-law Harold grilling huge amounts of tasty meat.

My eldest niece, Jamie, is in high school now, and even though I still see her as a small child, she has friends who are graduating this year. And as much as she likes playing with our kids, she also likes hanging out with her older friends, and several came over after church on Sunday for snacks and more grilled animal flesh. All of them were respectful, well-groomed examples of teenage Americans -- the exact opposite of me at that age.

I was hanging in the kitchen, waiting for more meat, when the teenager tsunami came raging in, all blathering, social-media buzz and general excitement. Harold and I watched as the four of them circled the kitchen table, and they got the fruit, veggies and dips they had brought ready for consumption, mainly by themselves, right there at the table, the moment it was ready to eat.

One boy stood out from the others, and not just because he was taller than all the rest. His black hair was slicked back with some sort of hair product -- Dapper Dan pomade, perhaps? (Sorry, I didn't even use hair products when I had hair.) He wore fashionable summer clothes and was very pretty, looking a lot like Darren Criss on the show Glee, someone my wife might have mentioned my son liking in the past. So what happened next should not have been a surprise: My normally pathologically shy eldest child came up to this young man and handed him a string of plastic Mardi Gras beads that we had all been playing with the night before.

"These are for you," my eldest said, a shy smile on his lips and a goofy/happy look in his eye. The older boy took them as you would any trinket given to you by a child, with a smile and a "thank you." The pretty boy and the other kids then ran off, with my son tagging along with them to another part of the house to do whatever it is that clean-cut teenagers do today -- something involving social media, I'm sure. Harold waited until they'd all left to speak.

"Well, that was the cutest thing I've ever seen," he said while doing something with the meaty meat.

And it was. Here was my boy acting on his feelings, giving a gift to another boy he thought was attractive. But as much as I thought it was adorable, I also dread moments like these, because as the father of a gay child, the only thing that really worries me is other people's potential reactions to him: Will he say or do the wrong thing to the wrong person? Will I not be there to protect him from their ignorance? He will be entering the highly macho world of high school soon enough, and that is not always a safe place for gay kids to be.

But luckily, I didn't have to worry what this high-school boy might think, since I know that my in-laws and nieces have a "no homophobes allowed" policy when it comes to their friends. That's not the easiest thing to pull off in a backwater part of a backwater state, but they are fighting the good fight right on the front lines of bigotry. They're all awesome like that.

For my son, unlike how it's been for so many who have come before him, being gay is not something to deal with but something that is, like his being tall or having giant feet. Not only does he have no control over it, but he doesn't even think about needing control over it. He doesn't think of his "gay issues"; he just knows what he likes, and now he is acting on it. Too many gay kids can't act on their feelings until they move away from home and into real life, or at least into college. And luckily for him, he can get this adorably awkward stage out the way well before the adorably awkward first days of college begin.

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:11 pm
by I REALLY HATE POKEMON!
"Lustful cockmonster." I really, really thought I heard it all, I did. Guess not.

Anyway, disturbing article.

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 10:58 pm
by Booyakasha
...isn't nine a little young? To be gay, straight or other?

I mean, kudos to the father for being prepared to love his son regardless of his eventual sexuality, but, like...come on already. Nine.

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:11 pm
by Random User
^Lots of little kids have crushes on older men/women. Even if it's entirely creepy, imo. A little girl once admitted to my sister that she had a crush on me (very uncomfortable feeling there).

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:38 pm
by Deepfake
[QUOTE="Booyakasha, post: 1468965, member: 17381"]...isn't nine a little young? To be gay, straight or other?

I mean, kudos to the father for being prepared to love his son regardless of his eventual sexuality, but, like...come on already. Nine.[/QUOTE]
My girlfriend when I was 9 disagrees with you. I always chose her first for kickball. Was also suspicious after awhile that she was only with me because the kickball was mine.

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:59 pm
by Shane
I think I had my first crush when I was around 10. But I don't think that gave any indication of my sexuality. I can understand that this kid is arguably dropping hints that he fancies boys, but it seems a big leap to go from that to an assertion he must be gay.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 12:07 am
by Deepfake
[QUOTE="Shane, post: 1468983, member: 1"]I think I had my first crush when I was around 10. But I don't think that gave any indication of my sexuality. I can understand that this kid is arguably dropping hints that he fancies boys, but it seems a big leap to go from that to an assertion he must be gay.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, agreed. What you look for in a role model isn't necessarily indicative of gender preference, and unless the kid says otherwise I'll just take this on its own as an adult reading too deeply into something as they tend to do.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 12:11 am
by LOOT
Everyone is bi anyway that's the truth here.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 12:44 am
by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
I've asked a good number of my gay friends when they realised they were gay, and every one of them has said they were very aware they felt something towards the same gender from early in their childhood. Just like most straight people can only ever remember liking the opposite gender. It's not sexualised when they're kids, but they still know where their hearts are leading them.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 12:59 am
by DarkZero
I definitely remember in kindergarten I had a crush on both a boy and a girl. Even though I was never told through any means that boys could even have crushes on other boys, I definitely knew what it was and didn't think it was strange in the least.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 4:42 am
by I REALLY HATE POKEMON!
I fault the parents for not only ignoring, or accepting, hell even embracing this type of behavior, but encouraging it, spurring it on. As a parent, I feel it's their duty to correct their children, or at least not spur it on.

I was living with a woman whose young son was gay, and the woman encouraged it. I could hardly bear to see it, but reminded myself that it isn't my problem but I still felt bad for the kid, on some level.

Lol at everyone is bi, though. I hear that from time to time and scoff, unsure if it's serious or a joke. I think maybe kids get confused but that's because they're idiots who eat boogers and run with knives, and cry when they can't eat candy for dinner.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 7:11 am
by Shane
It's a fair question how much of it is nature and how much of it is nurture. It's nice that this dad has no problem with this, though perhaps he has too much no problem with it. He's already made the decision that his son is gay, and now he's telling anyone who will listen rather than just letting the boy be on his own path. To be fair, society (including parents) will generally dictate that people should be straight and push them toward that.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 8:06 am
by Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds
:bored2: Gay people happen in the most adverse circumstances to being gay. Places they have no support, there are still gay people. Places where it is illegal, there are still gay people. Places where they are ostracised, there are still gay people. Places they are killed, not just unlawfully murdered, but legally put to death, there are still gay people. This isn't something you can encourage into being. Or stop from happening. What the hell kind of mindset is that.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 12:04 pm
by Calamity Panfan
i don't see how one would go about "correcting" gayness

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 12:21 pm
by Random User
[QUOTE="metal boxes METAL BOXES, post: 1469176, member: 29448"]i don't see how one would go about "correcting" gayness[/QUOTE]
You should watch the Simpson's Episode on this. It's hilarious.

On a less hilarious note, there are also some places you can send your kids to have Christianity forced to them to "stop them from being gay," called a gay-to-straight conversion camp. Parents send their kids to places like that all the time. You can read all about these kinda camps. I don't know how many accounts are true, but a lot of them involve shock therapy, solitary confinement, and shaming. A lot of people that go develop a sense of self-loathing, and some even commit suicide once they're out because they hate themselves so much after it's all said and done.

Surely, that is what God always wanted.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 12:35 pm
by ZeldaGirl
[QUOTE="Booyakasha, post: 1468965, member: 17381"]...isn't nine a little young? To be gay, straight or other?

I mean, kudos to the father for being prepared to love his son regardless of his eventual sexuality, but, like...come on already. Nine.[/QUOTE]

I remember having a 'boyfriend' as young as kindergarten. Now, we didn't do things that adults would associate with romantic relationships, but it was very obvious I liked him different than other boys I knew, and I could recognize the difference. At 3, my sister developed an obvious crush on our choir director, who was 25. Kids are capable of expressing attraction at very young ages.

[QUOTE="Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds, post: 1469132, member: 17429"] :bored2: Gay people happen in the most adverse circumstances to being gay. Places they have no support, there are still gay people. Places where it is illegal, there are still gay people. Places where they are ostracised, there are still gay people. Places they are killed, not just unlawfully murdered, but legally put to death, there are still gay people. This isn't something you can encourage into being. Or stop from happening. What the hell kind of mindset is that.[/QUOTE]

Not to mention, there are plenty of parents who, upon noticing their children doing things that defy gender norms or expectations, such as expressing attraction to other kids of the same sex, do their best to discourage the behavior. If parents could actually influence their kids in that way, wouldn't we see far fewer gay people? This whole notion that parental encouragement will sway a child one way of the other makes no sense.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 12:49 pm
by I am nobody
But everyone knows that kids always listen to their parents before their hormones. This is why no parent has ever disapproved of a marriage. They just have too much influence to be ignored.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 8:21 pm
by Booyakasha
^^Pretty sure there's a difference between childhood infatuation and adult attraction. Not that I'm pretending I know.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 8:34 pm
by I REALLY HATE POKEMON!
It's still worth a shot, ZG. I wouldn't just let it happen.

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 9:01 pm
by X-3
So, uh, have you ever met any gay people?