I have a feeling she's being set up for a large disappointment.

Sim Kid · #1

So, my sister's boyfriend has a stepsister who is about 17-18 and is going to graduate... either this year or next year.

Her mom came to the U.S. in like the late 70s - early 80s and went to school in California for pretty cheap - and she admittedly used her own nationality and race to get in, get scholarships, and get work-study jobs so she practically go to go for free.

Thing is, her mom from what I know of her (and I have met the woman and heard her say some of these things when I'm right next to her) is... a bit like this

http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploa ... uition.jpg

[whoa page stretcher]

In some ways she's a bit of a bad influence on her daughter. She's sort of stuck in the 70s and 80s and is going "omg why is everything so expensive when I was in college we had gas for $1.30 a gallon. When I was in college I had a work-study job that paid tuition." She teaches her daughter to use her race, gender, status [child of a single mother who is a Korean immigrant] as a weapon because if the schools don't accept her then they'll be sexist and racist - so because of that, her daughter is trying to get into all the fine schools in the country. You know, Princeton, Harvard, Yale, that sort of stuff.

I know her grades are good, but she doesn't seem to understand that these places will require an SAT score to get in - a very high one at that. Where I live, students don't take the SAT - you have to take it on your own time. Apparently it's a western thing, because a lot of universities this part don't require an SAT, and instead will accept your ACT score. Not only that, but it's VERY hard to get into these universities, and a lot of them flat out REQUIRE you to have a major already decided. She also doesn't seem to realize that well, times have changed, and these universities are bloody EXPENSIVE.

I'm not alone in this - my sister, her boyfriend, bf's youngest brother, and his aunt really think that her mom is giving her some of the wrong ideas. >.<; We know she means well, but she is almost painfully unaware of how the world works now, especially when it comes to money.

Thing is everyone's also too afraid to tell her, because she won't listen, or if she does she'll just ignore it and her mom will tell her "Oh no THIS is how it works."

#2

Most of the big, important life lessons have to be learnt first-hand. Good intentions and advice don't get through. Do what you can to be supportive and encouraging in the right ways.

Deepfake · #3

Incidentally, there's also no good reason why education should cost so much. It's been made into a wringer scheme to make people indebted to institution before they ever see results.

YouTube · #4

Also, while you might be able to emotionally blackmail the Harvard admissions office into accepting you, but you can't emotionally blackmail the Harvard faculty (at least not all of them) into passing you. Never con your way into a situation with variables beyond your control.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

smol Kat · #5

[spoiler=for content]I don't think my father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, will be pleased to hear about this.[/spoiler]

ZeldaGirl · #6

However, I feel as though you may not really be the best judge about what she's capable of. You have posted this assuming that she is of course going to use all these factors, and that's all she has going for her. But you also said she has good grades - she might actually be a phenomenal student that colleges really want. She might really desire to go to these places and be working for it.

And, truthfully, it sounds as if her mother has experienced a lot. Racism and sexism do exist, you know, and I imagine the mother is extrapolating from her own experiences and trying her best to help her daughter navigate the realities of the world. Maybe instead of bitching about it online, you could actually do something to try and help both mother and daughter along in a constructive way that also recognizes that the mother might actually have a valid perspective and is doing what she can to look out for her daughter.

Random User · #7

[QUOTE="ZeldaGirl, post: 1463146, member: 21628"]Maybe instead of bitching about it online,[/QUOTE]
???

Though the rest of your post has some good points to take into consideration, I'm pretty sure Sim Kid posted this with the intention of receiving advice, not just bitching.

ZeldaGirl · #8

He's clearly indicated he believes he's right, and has constructed an entire narrative about these individuals. Nothing about his post indicates he actually is seeking advice about how to talk with the mother or daughter. Instead, he has made assumptions about their character, their actions, and has actually demeaned their experiences, talents, and potential.

Sim Kid · #9

[QUOTE="ZeldaGirl, post: 1463146, member: 21628"]Maybe instead of bitching about it online, you could actually do something to try and help both mother and daughter along in a constructive way that also recognizes that the mother might actually have a valid perspective and is doing what she can to look out for her daughter.[/QUOTE]

Well since it came off as just venting, what should I tell her then?

ZeldaGirl · #10

You mentioned you didn't think she knew about the SAT, or that you were concerned that she might have a full grasp about the cost. So, why don't you ask her about it. Why don't you say "hey, are you taking the SAT? I know a lot of schools require it." Or "hey, what scholarships are you applying for? You're a good student with good grades, you could probably get some funds to go to school." "What do you want to do in college? Have you thought about any majors?"

In other words, do literally anything other than what you are currently doing, which is squat.[DOUBLEPOST=1400372690,1400372389][/DOUBLEPOST]I recognize this sounds harsh, but let's think of it from a different perspective. Imagine mother or daughter found out that you and your friends and family thought this, but never said anything. If I were them, I would think "wow, this guy is kind of a jerk; he's made all these assumptions about my character, and about my ignorance, but has never bothered to offer me a hand. Instead, he's gossiping about the situation behind my back."