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My younger brother used to be such a sweet child. He was always willing to help others, and he begged me to play games with him because he loved me so much (even if I were terrible at many of the games he invited me to play).

Then, he went to a private school that gave him the wrong ideas about how to succeed in academia, and somehow, for unexplained reasons, all the other dominos fell.

Now, he speaks with no vocal modulation (i.e., like a robot), he gets irritated every time someone tries to take him away from being hunched over at his computer to do a simple favor, he seems unwilling to discuss the events of a typical grad school day with others, and he marks his territory around the house by spreading his grad school work everywhere. Actually, this pattern has been continuing for about seven-and-a-half years. Neither of us lives on our own yet, but I’m surprised he hasn’t moved out already. Then again, he hasn’t shown very much ability to take care of himself.

To make matters worse, he occupies every waking hour of his day with grad school work (he finished his undergrad work in two years). And even worse, grad school classes apparently don’t measure up to his expectations. He wants something more fun like in his undergrad classes, but he doesn’t understand: being grown up means that people don’t give you fun like they did when you were a child. They give you work, and lots of it, BUT you are encouraged to make your own fun and share it with others.

Also, he knows a girl who’s clearly crazy about him, but he doesn’t feel that same spark. I guess she’s the girl he deserves but not the one he needs. I say that, if you know a girl who’s crazy about you, you’ve caught a good fish; for the love of Excalibur, don’t throw her back in the pond.

I love my brother to death. He’s the only sibling I’ll ever have, but where did everything go wrong? What sort of ideas were instilled in his head that turned him into the opposite of what he once was? Did he make the right choice to go to grad school? Is grad school still worth it if he’s not into teaching anymore? Why won’t he change his ways when others ask him to? These questions just seem so unanswerable to me, and I need answers to fix my brother, or, by the time he actually gets a full-time job, he may turn into this guy:



So, I ask you: do you know anyone who has experienced problems similar to my brother’s? What are some possible steps that could be taken to fix these problems?

Thanks for any help in advance.

If he's not interested in teaching then chances are he really really screwed up by going to Grad School. There are some jobs you can get with a PhD (Ask my mom) but pretty much every grad school student has to teach unless they happen to be one of the lucky exceptions. Even then, most jobs you can get after grad school is, well... teaching, especially depending on the field you're getting a PhD in.

I have a feeling your brother didn't exactl know what he was getting into - Grad school and getting a Masters are NOT something to be taken lightly. If I were younger, I might have been in your brother's shoes, instead trying to get an MBA. Because I am a business major (...kinda. It's a business concentration but the business classes put me roughly 6 credits away from a business major with no concentration.) I can go back to school for an MBA but I know for a fact that it's EXTREMELY strict. Even if my university is one of the nicer ones, you still have to have an 80 or above to be considered "Passing". Cs get degrees, but As get MBAs.

[QUOTE="Colonel KR, post: 1453306, member: 38410"]Why won’t he change his ways when others ask him to?[/QUOTE]
Why would he want to? You really have to ask yourself what he's going to get out of it. And not your idea of what you want him to be as a person, but the person he is right now. The one who's probably irritated with the way the world is structured and the way social obligations pile up as you age, who has his own obvious set of context-relevant values.

[QUOTE="Colonel KR, post: 1453306, member: 38410"]Also, he knows a girl who’s clearly crazy about him, but he doesn’t feel that same spark. I guess she’s the girl he deserves but not the one he needs. I say that, if you know a girl who’s crazy about you, you’ve caught a good fish; for the love of Excalibur, don’t throw her back in the pond.[/QUOTE]
Why would you ever want to be in a farce like that? Couplehood isn't for everyone, dude.

As for grad school, having watched my mom go through it, I know that it can be INSANELY stressful. Suggest- not forcefully- that he take a step back and see what he wants to do with his life. If he wants to continue down the path of education, then great; if not (which is what it sounds like) then he should figure out what he truly does want to do. On his own.

I think it's sweet that you care about your brother so much, but I think you should let him figure things out on his own. Let him make his own decisions and don't try to force him to be someone you want him to be. Let him be who he wants to be. People make mistakes, people learn from them. I think instead of telling him he made a mistake, you should just let him learn from it all. Maybe he's just trying to figure out his next step. Sounds like he's stressed out, so you should just be there for him. As someone who stresses out easily, having someone breathe down your neck is the worst thing. Give him space. As for the girl thing, if he doesn't want to date the girl, then I'm glad he's being honest and not just doing it because she's showing interest. That's the worst reason to start a relationship. If he's not interested, he's doing the right thing by not pursuing her. You should be proud of him. Be supportive but don't be abrasive about it. :)

[QUOTE="Olestradamus is Going 3rd Party, post: 1453439, member: 25415"]The one who's probably irritated with the way the world is structured and the way social obligations pile up as you age, who has his own obvious set of context-relevant values.[/QUOTE]

That's an interesting way of diagnosing it. I'll remember to write that down.

[USER=31164]@User Name[/USER], letting him learn from his own mistakes is kind of what the family is worried about. If he continues in his ways of making our lives work around his, he may not learn from his mistakes at all because he seems to think most of his actions have no consequences...or at least no consequences to be concerned with.

Then again, this disgraceful behavior may be just a passing phase for him.

And if it isn't a passing phase and he becomes more and more corrupt over the next few years, then I can always count on you guys to help me out. And, on the off-chance he does turn into a supervillain, I can really count on you guys to work with me as a team...right?

Don't worry. If nothing else we can form a pseudo-avengers team to take back the Tesseract from your brother when he inevitably steals it