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Why do I always only like the ones I have very little chance with?

I would say that it's perfectly normal for men to be attracted to women they don't have a chance with, but if that's your ONLY attraction, then...I think it boils down to a matter of what we've been raised to think is attractive and what we've been raised to think isn't. Everybody has a different perception of what defines beauty: the media, your parents, your friends, your teachers, your neighbors, your co-workers, everybody. In fact, I'm no exception since I've got a thing for redheads.

Could you please describe what you find attractive in women? I'll be able to better work out a solution if you do.

Is it that you actually have very little chance (due to distance, infrequency of seeing each other, or something like that), or is just a self-perceived lack of a chance? Because both are able to be overcome with some work, and the latter doesn't actually exist. A little confidence goes a long way.

I mean, relationships aren't going to work 100% of the time, obviously, but don't sell yourself too short.

To put it in perspective, the last girl I liked lives in minnesota and was just visiting and working at the place I worked at for the holidays[DOUBLEPOST=1390436659,1390436600][/DOUBLEPOST]There are a bunch of my friends I -could- date but I'm just not interested and I don't know why...[DOUBLEPOST=1390437122][/DOUBLEPOST]I mean, I dunno I guess there has to be chemistry between me and her and she has to be smart. I mean, generally speaking if we can laugh with each other chances are good I'll be attracted to her but for some reason I can only find myself having a good time with women that have boyfriends or go off to college 8 months out of the year or don't live anywhere near me and I always feel horrible about it...

Try letting it happen naturally. Actively pursuing relationships as one of your primary goals isn't good. Focus on bettering yourself and your position in life, and your options will open up significantly. Your issue should be resolved then, most likely, in time.

just roll with things, gonna be frank man worrying gets you somewhere between bugger and all.

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! wrote:Try letting it happen naturally. Actively pursuing relationships as one of your primary goals isn't good. Focus on bettering yourself and your position in life, and your options will open up significantly. Your issue should be resolved then, most likely, in time.

Agreed. Girls love guys who have a strong sense of what their goals are in life and are willing to work hard and achieve them.

I already have a pretty good idea of where my life is going, it's just that the girls I'm interested in are always the ones that circumstances won't allow me to be with[DOUBLEPOST=1390450300,1390450268][/DOUBLEPOST]not that they wouldn't like me

i wouldn't necessarily say that distance is a circumstance that won't allow you to be with a girl. It's definitely an obstacle and it will probably get really tough at points, but if she's worth it and you think there's something between you, it could be worth it. Sure I've seen some absolutely disastrous long-distance relationships, but I've seen other long-distance relationships that are some of the strongest I've ever come across.

Well the thing is that we only ever spoke at work so I mean aside from a handful of really awesome times at work we never hung out. I never actually said to her I was interested so I'm not really sure she knows. I guess it doesn't matter now...

Val has had his share of distance-related heartache in the past. Like Panfan said, a long-distance relationship is doable. The internet, phones, texting, Skype, etc. make long-distance relationships more doable now than ever before. However, the relationship will not work unless both of you are ready and willing to make the necessary sacrifices. That is something you will have to be honest and open about from the get go, otherwise you'd probably be setting yourself up for a broken heart.

Val would bet that you aren't necessarily attracted only to women you can't be with, but rather that the women you're attracted to just happen to be unavailable or unrealistic for you to start a relationship with. How big is your circle of friends? There could be someone who's just right for you right around the corner. Perhaps you should try looking for that chemistry a little closer geographically.

Maybe. I have only a few close guy friends, so I don't really meet too many women and more often than not the ones I do meet that are clearly interested in me (and it's astoundingly often that they try to get our mutual friends to set us up) I just don't find myself interested in them and I can't pinpoint why.

Women, man.

...like, what are they, anyway? Are they plants? animals? food? I don't even know...

All of the above.

^^ fire, water, air, and dirt

**** women, how do they work

I once read a book called For Young Men Only: The Guy's Guide to the Alien Gender. It reveals the inner workings of women and how to have a successful relationship with them...at least for guys in their teens and twenties (which works since you're 23). It's part of a series of books that started with For Men Only (those in their thirties and older).

Females aren't another species, and being female doesn't determine a person's character, interests, or how they think. Anyone who tells you otherwise is simply mistaken or ignorant.

If you want to be with someone, it's the being with someone part that matters. That means sharing interests and arranging to spend time together. Going on a date with someone you know nothing about simply because you want to hook up with someone of the opposite gender is totally nonsensical if you're looking for a relationship, you need to spend time getting to know that person. Stop thinking about them as a product of their gender and start thinking about them as a product of their life experience, talk to them about that experience including their past, their interests and their hopes, and just their opinions.

There are no absolute statements when it comes to the inner workings of human beings' psyches. However, I am going to make as broad brush statement as I possibly can:

You will not find the person you want to marry just by spending a few hours with a bunch of someones.
Attraction is complicated and nonsensical; it can change over time and also be frighteningly stubborn.
First be comfortable with who you are outside a relationship; only then should you pursue someone else.

monstr, do I really have to go into the eight million distance relationships I've seen (and experienced) that work? I agree with a lot of the things said in this thread, and it sounds like you have a good idea of what you want out of a relationship (which seem, btw, entirely possible at a distance. Harder but still possible) which is an excellent start. A lot of people don't know that, nor do they know what it takes (true for both close-by and distance relationships).

I guess but im not sure it can at this point i think she has a boyfriend now. Oh well.[DOUBLEPOST=1390615364,1390615287][/DOUBLEPOST]C'est la vie and que sera sera and all that