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I tried to kill myself in October by slashing my forearms, but it didn't work, I got scared, and ended up going to an institution for three weeks to be "fixed." But it's been a couple months, and I feel no different. I see no point to life. It's all work and heartache. The negatives hugely outweigh the positive, and I don't know what to do to change my perception. Nothing helps, not the counseling, the medication, the family/friend support. I just feel hopeless. How do I find hope again? How do I find reason?

Well, before I start attempting advice, what got you feeling this way? Did something happen, or did you just suddenly start getting depressed?

I just got depressed. I'm not sure what happened. I've been told it's a chemical imbalance in my brain, but the medication never worked. And I've always felt this way, except it gets worse.

Well the obvious thing to do is at least eliminate external stressors. Make a list of the obvious external things that make you unhappy, and see which ones can be killed off.
IIRC you mentioned your relationship with your mother is pretty awful, so that seems an obvious place to start. Either find a way to improve it, or cut off contact with her completely.

My external stressors are school and my mom. But both are things I have to be around without a choice. I don't know how to improve things with my mom, our mutual bi-polar disorders and mood swings clash and we just fight all the time, but when I avoid her she yells at me because she thinks I don't love her. It's like there's no way to win with her. The only time we get along is when we smoke marijuana with her, but I don't like doing that. I just do it to make her happy. I don't know what else to do.

Honestly? Brutally honestly? You wont find reason unless you make it for yourself. In high school i considered killing myself many times, and almost attempted a few. Virtually for the same reasons you did. I cant tell you what will work for you; we're different people. But i will tell you what worked for me:

The universe exists to be observed. Without you, the universe is pointless. As to a meaning for your life in particular: there is none. Be a good person and find your own way in the world and no matter what you do, never give up. whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Find whatever makes you happy and pursue it.

No matter what happens just remember: people will miss you when you are gone, whether you believe that or not.

Life is inherently what you make of it, no matter what you do. I sincerely hope you don't kill yourself and sincerely want to say i will remember you no matter what, whether you do or not. However at the end of the day: i dont have the power to convince you. That power rests solely on your shoulders.

For now i will not say goodbye. Instead i will say aufwiedersehen. Directly translated, that means "until i see you again," because i truly hope that i will. I stand with you in solidarity and respect as a person, and even though i do not know you: i love you. You are exactly who you are supposed to be and doing exactly what you need to do for yourself and i wish you well.

As for school, do you have a way to take online classes or otherwise study independently? (If it's the people; I would have LOVED to study independently in high school...)

If you really wanted to kill yourself, you would have succeeded. I have never met a person yet that tried cutting and succeeded. It is an inefficient method. The ones I know that did succeed used a gun or deliberately overdosed(another inefficient method, even hanging is better). If you think what I say is cruel, so be it. I am just telling you that your will to live must still be there, or you would have just jumped off the highest available building or shot yourself in the head. Bleeding out gives you too much time to think about what you are doing.

Would you go get married right now to a stranger, or go get ritually disfigured to join a cannibal cult, or go have a child on a whim? I am going to guess you would not make such life changing decisions on a momentary emotion or a whim. So why would you make an even greater life changing decision like that? You were not in a reasonable state. But if you were, would you have done it? Keep that in mind before you ever consider trying to kill yourself again.

Do not not buy into the chemical imbalance thing too much either. I will admit it can help, but remember that your own will is the most important thing. They don't have any medicine for hope, purpose, or strength of will.

Let’s take a closer look at this problem.

When I think about people who want to kill themselves, it seems the primary cause is a sense of a lack of communal love and support. That’s why I’m all in favor of being part of a community: not only is it basic human nature to be part of something, but it's also a means of working with others towards a common good. When people lose sight of a common good, that’s when things fall apart, and they tend to seek rather self-centered interests (just look at Congress).

So, the best advice I can offer you is: if you’re going to set a goal for yourself in life, find a common cause to serve. Contribute all you can to this cause, give even when you have nothing left to give, and by giving, you will receive love, which will always make you richer than will money or fame. Be other-directed rather than self-directed. I came to be a superhero in my own right by finding a common cause to serve: restoring chivalry where none exists and standing up for the downtrodden. Now it’s your turn. Go find a common good, and don’t let fear stop you!

If you really are going to end up killing yourself, then before it comes to that you should just go off and leave your life behind. It seems like your life isn't what you want. If I ever felt like I was really going to kill myself, I'd leave everything behind and try my hand at anything else. Suicide shouldn't be an option but if it is, make it the last one. Odds are you haven't made an extreme change, so do that if you must.

I don't say this often, but IRHP is right.

You haven't experienced most of life, until now you've been locked away in the paradigm of acceptable "western" social hierarchy. If you truly don't care, that means you can rock the boat and either you won't mind if there are repercussions or worst case scenario you will establish a point of discomfort by which you might gauge life experiences.

Enjoying things takes effort, for some people it takes a lot of effort. The chemical imbalance in depression is a sign, not a total diagnosis. A lot of that can come from diet and habits. When you don't like anything much, you can use that to step outside the boundaries you've erected for yourself. When you're an adult, and especially when you're depressed, you have to learn to like what you're doing just as you have to learn any activity and improve and familiarize yourself with it to truly understand it.

What do you do? What are you afraid to do? Why fear it? Why not fear inactivity? Can you answer these questions?

I've read through all these responses (thank you to all of you, by the way), and I've felt a change. You're all right. And my problem is my perception. Happiness takes effort, and I haven't been putting any in. But I'm definitely going to start.

PM me if you ever need to talk. I know what it's like struggling to put in happiness effort. Sounds like you're on the right track. I hope you start to feel less depressed soon and start enjoying the little things in life instead of focusing on the bad big things.

Good luck, buddy.

I was very upset to read your post and sad that had you succeeded, we would have lost someone very special from this world before his time. But I was gladdened by the responses... so much caring, love and support. This world needs so much more of that... and we have the best "world" right here.

I have very little to add to all the wonderful responses, except the following:
I'm not sure what about school is upsetting, but perhaps you can remind yourself that it's not forever. It may feel like that right now, but it does come to an end. make yourself short-term goals... for example, work hard, stay out of trouble, plan something good for each weekend that recharges your inner self - learn to meditate.

regarding your mom, perhaps calmly explain that you love her but you don't enjoy the marijuana and that you'd rather share times with her in a different way. Ask her if she has time to spend doing something simple like walking together. Be prepared with some "small talk" discussion starters to distract her if she brings up things you do not wish to discuss. Ask her about her happiest memories from childhood, for example. Ask her about the best meal she's ever had. Focus on good, happy, fun subjects.

I will ask that you keep us updated on your progress... and let us help if you need it. *GIANT HUGS for you Spark* And a grinnie just for you... feel free to squeeze him, tell him corny jokes and smile back lots.