Life is hard...

monstrman · #1

I guess... I just needed somewhere to put this. I'm not looking for pity or anything I just wanted to... get something out I guess.

Lately I've been struggling with some pretty severe social anxiety and depression. Most days I can keep a smile on my face like nothing is wrong but today was tough... today I got a promotion at my work.

Normally you would think "Oh hey congrats monstr! You're doin awesome!" And under a lot of circumstances that would be true... but I'm going to be a butcher at Jewel-Osco... and though it's really cool that they wanted to promote me after only a month of being there... I'm not sure I want it. But... I feel like I've already been set into having to do it. I don't really have many other options since I'm not making enough money and it's the only way.

My job causes me great deals of stress. I know it sounds really easy (I'm a meat wrapper), but dealing with customers always makes me feel so anxious I just want to explode. I always put on a smile and a cheerful face but I do one awkward thing or mess one thing up and suddenly I'm my own worst enemy. I try not to let it get to me and shake it off, but it's... tough. And I try really hard at work because I believe that you should do your hardest whenever you do anything but... I guess this just isn't where I saw myself at this point in my life.

I had dreams... I wanted to be a doctor. I still do. I want to help people, and save lives... but I always put myself down and tell myself "I'll never be able to do it" because my anxiety always pressures me into giving up... and so often I do. I hate that about myself. I've always told myself "don't give up before you try" yet almost every day I find myself doing exactly that. I feel like I'm spiraling...

Today I cried. It's kind of embarrassing to say. I was playing league of legends and doing really poorly because of my bad mood and people called me trash. I don't even care about what they said, but it got to me... then I realized... sometimes I truly do think I'm trash. I know it's a horrible quality to have but it's just part of this endless cycle that I seem to fall into sometimes. I know I'm not, and I know I'm just being really hard on myself but... it just sucks. I'm really trying to work on it.

I guess when you feel the worst, that's when you have to try the hardest. I mean I know I'm not doomed to this fate as long as I can convince myself to try, I just gotta get there.

Yeah that's it.

monstrman · #2

Well at least I feel better now lol

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · #3

I can sympathize with you. I hope you learn to cope or find what will make things better. Good luck.

smol Kat · #4

Oh my god. Are you me????
[I've basically been attempting to get started in my field since I graduate in December and I've also been having a really ****ty time at work but no of course don't promote kat she effing sucks but anyway. I went in Monday afternoon with every intention of giving my notice, but I can't really afford that right now, so they talked me into cutting back on my hours instead, so that I can still earn an income while getting into my field. Dunno if my scenario helps you at all, but there it is.]

But okay no seriously, here's what you need to do. Keep your job. Maybe cut back on your hours (see above)... But get back to focusing on becoming a doctor! Don't stress about how hard your end-goal is. Take baby steps. I'm not sure how far along you are in your studies, but start off getting your core classes done (if you haven't already)...then geek out with science labs and what have you 8) Anxiety is rough, I've been there, but you CAN do it.

Good luck, and I'm always here if you need to talk.
(although if it's 5:30 in the morning chances are extremely high I was in a call with squeege and fell asleep, sorry in advance lol)

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also, stop playing League it will just make it worse :swear:

#5

It's time to let someone help you. Do your best to find a doctor or counselor who can work with you to overcome these problems. Anxiety and depression can be treated with therapy, supplements, or if it's severe and causing you to not function properly, there are a number of prescription medications available to help get a bit more stability. Once you're managing your emotional distress, you'll feel more able to take on your dream of becoming a doctor and helping others in turn. If affording medical care is out of the question at this time, make sure you're eating well (fresh fruit and vegetables), getting plenty of sunshine or Vitamin D supplements, and sleeping as well as you can. Cut out caffeine and as much refined sugars as you can (soda, fruit drinks, candy, cake/cookie/doughnut, icecream, snack bars, etc, etc), because they give you an artificially good mood then make you crash harder. When I had bad depression, I also took St Johns Wort to help.

And, you know, it's great that you feel like you can talk to us. Talking can help a lot all on its own. We don't need to pretend like everything's going to be roses, but there are things you can do to slowly bring your moods back under control. *hug*

monstrman · #6

I appreciate the sentiment guys. Like I said I kinda just needed to, well, vent. I'm glad I have a safe place like this I really don't feel comfortable talking to people about stuff like this often. I try to bottle it up, which I realize is really unhealthy.

smol Kat · #7

I'm gonna emphasize the Vitamin D here. Even just taking a multivitamin in general may help- I take one called "Vitality" [Calcium, D, Magnesium] and while it isn't a miracle drug, I find that it helps at least a little.

monstrman · #8

Also I have really terrible insomnia and a lot of food makes me sick due to allergies. I'm a mess of a person :P

smol Kat · #9

ok actually don't look for mine we got them from Melaleuca and that's like $80 per month, dawg.

For insomnia: Cut out caffeine as much as possible, and get into a nighttime routine.
For your allergies: Figure out what you can/can't eat and adjust accordingly.

btw if you can't have pork but you can have chicken omg get al fresco chicken sausage it is the BEST.

monstrman · #10

I can't eat any kind of bread or grain. Not kidding. Allergic to wheat oat rye barley potatoes and most red meats make me sick. Along with pork. Apparently they just upset my stomach really bad according to my doctor. Or something. I can eat chicken though so I might have to look that up. The problem is I need grains and everything has that crap that I'm allergic to in it I can't afford to like... not eat them. Too poor ;.;

#11

Insomnia is a tricky thing, and a combination of things can help: Removing the caffeine and sugars, ESPECIALLY in the four-to-six hours before bedtime (ideally, you wouldn't consume anything like that after midday). When you wake up in the morning, getting a big face full of sun helps regulate your body's clock, so go outside and stand in the sun for ten minutes. Trying to stick with a regular bedtime to train your body when it's meant to sleep. Reducing your use of computers/bright artificial lighting in the hour or so before bedtime (I know, that's hard; try reading by a bedside lamp or similar so the amount of light is reduced and your brain isn't getting wrong signals about the time of day). And very importantly, get some serious exercise every day. Whatever you can manage, even if it's a five minute all-out sprint or riding a bike until your heart rate is elevated. Using the energy up will help make you naturally tired, and the feel-good chemicals your body releases from strenuous activity will benefit you anyway.

And of course, with food allergies, your only real option is probably preparing your own meals from scratch so you know exactly what's in it and don't have an adverse reaction, but if you're already depressed, it's hard to muster the enthusiasm for doing anything like that. Do what you can, and at least read the ingredients on everything you buy to avoid your allergens. But you know that already. ;)

In terms of grain-like, how are you with rice, quinoa, and corn?

monstrman · #12

I can eat rice, I don't much care for corn and what the hell is that third thing

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(I think I can eat rice anyway)

smol Kat · #13

QUINOA IS AMAZING. GET IT AND EAT IT AND LOVE IT.

monstrman · #14

QUINA FROM FFIX IS AMAZING. GET IT AND EAT IT AND LOVE IT.*

*this quote may have been edited for comedic effect

#15

*giant hugs*

Disclaimer; I am not a doctor.

I'm sorry to hear how hard you are on yourself. Because you are really an awesome guy!!! :)

To reiterate what ESSDEE said, Vit D3 (specifically) is important. If you cannot get some decent sunlight on your skin each day, take supplements. Even the cheapest brand, as long as it is D3, should be fine. Take a few. It can't hurt you. Also include Vit C. Ascorbic acid helps with stress and the more stress you are under, the more your body needs it.

For the insomnia, you can safely take melatonin, but do so at the same time each night and have in mind a relaxing night time routine. Try not to eat or drink anything (but water) an hour or two before bed. Although, you might want to consider avoiding anything containging caffeine for hours beforehand.

As for the food allergies, I can empathise. I need to read labels every single time I go shopping to avoid buying food that I cannot eat. It's tedious being allergic to multiple food stuffs, but at least my diet is healthy... ;) I just spoke with ESSDEE about your allergies and suggestions to combat them, and she will answer this further... saves us repeating each other. ;)

Wow... studying medicine, heh? Take your time and study as much as you feel comfortable with to begin with.

And this grinnie is just for you...

#16

Quinoa is actually a seed that's used like a grain. It's pretty tasty, but I don't know how much more expensive it might be over there.

If you're eating grain because of the "food pyramid", ignore that crap, people don't need grains to survive, especially if you're suffering from Coeliac disease (allergic to the gluten in grains). If it's monetary reasons, just do your best to add local fresh produce as your filler, which will usually be more affordable. Eat as many colours of fruit and vegetable as possible (different colour = different range of nutrients), get into legumes and mushrooms for protein, and oily fish (sardines and mackerel are sold fairly cheap in cans, they might take some getting used to, but they are super good for your health especially if you have to avoid other meats). And of course, chicken, eggs, and cheese, and stick with brown or wild rice where possible because white rice is nutritionally void. :)

monstrman · #17

I see. Well I don't believe I'm allergic to Quina from FFIX considering I've never heard of it, so I'll look it up. I guess the only thing I can really do is learn how to cook huh? Oh have I dreaded this day ;.;

#18

Cooking is very easy once you get the hang of it. :) Start out with basic recipes. Seasoning is your friend. Use the internet to your advantage and search for gluten-free recipes; if there's a dish you like, someone will probably have a gluten-free alternative recipe for it. There's a big following for using shredded zucchini and squash as pasta alternatives because they are delicious.

smol Kat · #19

Actually, I know somebody with a young child who is GF, and she's recently discovered that use of cauliflower instead of high-gluten flour goes over really well. :)

huehuehue did you know that I have a Facebook alt based on Quina that I never use ehehe...I should post things as ....it.... sometime.

Disclaimer if you already take valerian root (I do, this is why I know this): If you mix valerian root and melatonin, they will cancel each other out...so don't mix 'em!

Also ESSDEE you can usually find quinoa pretty cheap here, but rice is still cheaper.

I REALLY HATE POKEMON! · #20

After watching a documentary called, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" I wanted to juice. However, it's too expensive for me, but if you can find a way to afford it yourself, some people have found that juicing (especially with particular recipies) can help with depression and anxiety (and a lot of other stuff, actually). Also, you can avoid cooking a bit this way, so win-win!