One long, disturbing, NSFW vent about me to end all vents about me.
Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:00 am
So instead of just telling you my problems spread out in the course of several years like I prefer to, I'll just put it all here at once.
A) So when I said I was attracted to children, I left out one detail: I'm not attracted to them for sex. If I fantasize about children, it's about their humiliation. I resent them for some reason, so I get gratification from taking them down a notch. This, to me, sounds even worse than just being a pedo, so I never really mentioned. However, I never really considered myself a threat, since if something like that actually happened, my "I don't want to go to jail" reflex would kick in and I'd call for help.
B) Part of the reason I like MLP: Friendship Is Magic is that I find the ponies sexy. When I first saw that picture Chunky posted of Rarity holding GyroBowls, it turned me on for some strange reason, so I went and looked up porn of it later that night. Afterwards, I started taking an interest in the actual show. And while I do legitimately like the show, I'm also a clopper. And I've noticed that I'm not looking for the usual BDSM-y things like I do with lolicon: I find normal sexual traits attractive when it comes to this. I finally enjoy things in porn that I never did before, like sexual pleasure, suggestive poses, and the foreplay (dear GOD, the foreplay). Again, mostly refrained from just coming out and saying it because I didn't want to sound like a super-pervert. It's worth mentioning that I don't find real horses attractive, or even non-Gen4 MLP.
C) I have some mild sadistic tendencies. Like, if I'm hopped up on caffeine or something, I'll often think, "Y'know, it'd be really satisfying right now to just break someone's neck". It never goes past thought, though, because of the aformentioned "I don't want to go to jail" reflex. Though when I was a kid, I used to fantasize about starving a Togepi until it cried. I don't do that anymore, which is good, since that scares even myself.
D) I'm an attention whore. In fact, the whole point of this thread is to draw attention to myself. When I was a kid, I would even troll for attention. I would make up crazy stories about my life (much like any kid would, though). I don't lie much anymore, since if I want attention, the truth will do just fine.
E) I feel like a burden. I've acheived my dream of ultimate comfort (I live quite comfortably for almost no effort), but now I feel guilt: like I'm some sort of Karma Houdini cheating others out of good fortune.
F) I get really affectionate and vulnerable at night-time. I think it's because a certain thing I do every night has fooled my body into thinking I often find a sexual partner, so when the clock starts to run down, it ramps up the desperation meter, to the point that I start hitting on Luigiman. Not a pretty sight.
G) I feel people resent me, or people like me. Like my sexual perversions: I think people with normal sexual tastes look down upon the things I like and think of us as a lesser people. I also feel like people are often annoyed with me, due to the frequency I post something about Mega Man, or sex, or ponies. I don't have much self-confidence, as you can tell.
All right, well, now it's time to hit "Submit New Thread", immediately regret posting, and cower in fear when I see the title in the New Posts lists because I'm too afraid of what people are saying, only to come back later when it becomes less active and read and respond to the feedback.
A) So when I said I was attracted to children, I left out one detail: I'm not attracted to them for sex. If I fantasize about children, it's about their humiliation. I resent them for some reason, so I get gratification from taking them down a notch. This, to me, sounds even worse than just being a pedo, so I never really mentioned. However, I never really considered myself a threat, since if something like that actually happened, my "I don't want to go to jail" reflex would kick in and I'd call for help.
B) Part of the reason I like MLP: Friendship Is Magic is that I find the ponies sexy. When I first saw that picture Chunky posted of Rarity holding GyroBowls, it turned me on for some strange reason, so I went and looked up porn of it later that night. Afterwards, I started taking an interest in the actual show. And while I do legitimately like the show, I'm also a clopper. And I've noticed that I'm not looking for the usual BDSM-y things like I do with lolicon: I find normal sexual traits attractive when it comes to this. I finally enjoy things in porn that I never did before, like sexual pleasure, suggestive poses, and the foreplay (dear GOD, the foreplay). Again, mostly refrained from just coming out and saying it because I didn't want to sound like a super-pervert. It's worth mentioning that I don't find real horses attractive, or even non-Gen4 MLP.
C) I have some mild sadistic tendencies. Like, if I'm hopped up on caffeine or something, I'll often think, "Y'know, it'd be really satisfying right now to just break someone's neck". It never goes past thought, though, because of the aformentioned "I don't want to go to jail" reflex. Though when I was a kid, I used to fantasize about starving a Togepi until it cried. I don't do that anymore, which is good, since that scares even myself.
D) I'm an attention whore. In fact, the whole point of this thread is to draw attention to myself. When I was a kid, I would even troll for attention. I would make up crazy stories about my life (much like any kid would, though). I don't lie much anymore, since if I want attention, the truth will do just fine.
E) I feel like a burden. I've acheived my dream of ultimate comfort (I live quite comfortably for almost no effort), but now I feel guilt: like I'm some sort of Karma Houdini cheating others out of good fortune.
F) I get really affectionate and vulnerable at night-time. I think it's because a certain thing I do every night has fooled my body into thinking I often find a sexual partner, so when the clock starts to run down, it ramps up the desperation meter, to the point that I start hitting on Luigiman. Not a pretty sight.
G) I feel people resent me, or people like me. Like my sexual perversions: I think people with normal sexual tastes look down upon the things I like and think of us as a lesser people. I also feel like people are often annoyed with me, due to the frequency I post something about Mega Man, or sex, or ponies. I don't have much self-confidence, as you can tell.
All right, well, now it's time to hit "Submit New Thread", immediately regret posting, and cower in fear when I see the title in the New Posts lists because I'm too afraid of what people are saying, only to come back later when it becomes less active and read and respond to the feedback.