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one of my best friends died while I was gone.
I found out her last message to me was on a thursday.
I could have talked.
I could have gone to thhe library in the city with my sister's computer when I stopped by my school. It's only open on Mndays and Thursdays.
I could have said something
the last thing she told me was she was in the hospital, that I was amazing, and she thanked me..

Im in tears now.

I should have been there.
I wasnt.

I'm so sorry this had to happen. I can only imagine what you could be going through. -CSM

Oh, God.

I'm so sorry. That must be truly painful.

I know my words can't make it better. But you'll overcome.

You can't be there all the time; there will always be times when you have to be doing something else, be somewhere else. You're only human. *hugs* It's okay to be upset. Just try to remember that you're not superman. You can't change the limitations of reality.

If you need to talk, you're always welcome to email me. *hugs*

*ultra hugs*

I am so sorry to hear this. If you need anything, I'm always open for a chat-- even if you only need an ear to listen. We're all here for you.

The last thing she did was thank you, though. It means that, throughout her life, you WERE there for her. It's alright to be upset, but like SD said, you can't always be there.. but her last words are solid proof that you WERE there for her.

Try to keep your chin up.

-more hugs-

****, that's rough man.

And I can imagine that you feel chewed, spitted out and stomped on.

Take your time, remember the good memories and maybe you should make sure her family are all right.

Yes you wasn't able to be there but how could you know, life have a tendency to throw **** in the face of good to decent people (the biggest A-holes tends to get out scot free).

But you are a good guy Guildfan she told you that, and you have to remember that, you wasn't able to get a important message before it was to late, this time a really important message.

Don't feel guilty, isn't it enough with mourning a loss of a friend?

And if you need someone to talk to you have a bunch of great guys here that are willing to listen don't forget that either.

...*hugs*

I am so sorry for your loss, Guild!!! Words are nearly always inadequate to express condolences. *hugs*

You know, you may have felt you weren't there for your friend but maybe your friend didn't feel the same way... after all, it certainly seems like your best friend felt your presence in her heart/soul and shared this...

Guildfian wrote:...
the last thing she told me was she was in the hospital, that I was amazing, and she thanked me..
...

(emphasis by me)

Treasure the memories even though it may be difficult at first!! The process of grieving is different for everyone and only you will know when you can smile at the world again when you think of your friend and it not wrench at your heart.

I was there when my best friend died at 20, and it didn't make it any better. Don't beat yourself up for it.

And it's okay to be angry, but don't direct it at yourself. You would've been there if you knew, and I'm sure you were there for the times that count. That's how you get a friend.

Take care man, and don't be afraid to pm me if you need a chat.

I'm sorry to hear that, bro. Don't take it out on yourself for not spending more time with her than you did, because it sounds like you still brought her happiness at the end of her life. That last message she sent you is something very special.

Death is a difficult part of life, but beating yourself up and wishing things could've gone differently won't change anything. The best thing you can do is to not get upset over what could've been, but to be happy for what was, and cherish the time you got to spend with her. As cliched as it may sound, I'm sure your friend would want it that way.

This thread makes me sad. I'm so sorry for you.

I'm really sorry for your loss, Guildfian.

I can't really say more than what everyone else has, but your friend's message to you would tell me that you were there for her when she needed you. Try not to beat yourself up too bad, I remember going through the same kind of thing. It's not easy. I hope you feel better soon, and I'm open for PC if you ever need to talk.

Damn, there's nothing I can say. :/ Other than that I'm glad she told you how awesome you were and how she thanked you. That just makes me feel happy there. :)

Apologies for the late response. I'm super-sorry to hear this, Guild... Wish I could have been there to talk with you while it was happening, but I unfortunately wasn't around while you were back in town... My sincerest condolences. There isn't anything I could really add that hasn't already been said, so just know I'm always here if you need to talk.

Thhanks you all for the words.. I really appreciate them.. ^_^

The night before she died she left a message with her bf to give me because she felt the end was near.. She thaked me for legitimately caring for her.. I just now found out it seems her facebook has been deleted... :( That makes me very sad..

Aside from that, when I messaged her bf, he told me she died of bulemia nervosa.. (sp?)

She was having seizures and so on, and when she had to be put on a feeding tube her body rejected it and she vomitted it back up..

I don't know what i tmeans to some of you, but one big thing that affected me was that she died an atheist.. I had been planning to finish off a talk we had had about God when I got back online.. but um.. yeah.. so I feel extra responsible for that reason..

I had a dream about her the night she died though that gave me some hope.. but umm.. yeah.. idk...

*hugs SD*

*ultra hugs CL*

*...hugs Jere*

*hugs HotD*

Thanks you all again. :) ..

That's what we (partly) are here for.

Im allso here for sandwiches and hot tamales!

Really sorry to hear it, buddy. Death is never easy, especially when it's a good friend and if it's unexpected.

Don't beat yourself up though. Like SD said, you can't always be there. She was your friend and she loved you, she wouldn't have held it against you because you weren't there.

So I checked formspring. I saw my (dead?) friend's answer to a question I had their and never clicked her name for memories and pain and so on. Well, I clicked it and my whole everythinng flipped upside down..

Her account was still answering uestions. And answering them the same way she would and with the right details..
only it had a separate name from her other online one..

So now it's either she's aalive and had tons of people lie to me about her death, or she's dead and somebody is on her Formspring imitating her very well.

I also checked her contacts on formspring, and there was her sister in there... just with a separate name... Im so confused and I dont know what to do or say. I checked the formspring's link to her other facebook that I was never added to, the one that she used more publically I believe since she referred to the one she added me to as her more private one... and it had new pictures and had her listed as going to the college she had said she was rejected from a couple weeks before she died...

I'm so confused and sad and depressed and in tears and have been grieving and now this turns up..and I don't know what to make of it. :'(

That's ****ed up. Call her and get to the bottom of it.

I dnt have it. I thought she died in February. (She may have; I don't know) I messaged her sister asking about it... I dont expect a reply anytime soon... :/

She was/is your friend. Get the to ****ing bottom of it because that's what friends do.

Good luck, man.