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Just the other day I went to see a musical on Broadway with my family. Now, I have nothing against musicals; I like them fine. But it seems that every time I go to a musical I get jealous and subsequently scared and depressed. And I'm about to tell you something I just realized.

Please don't take personal affront to this and please don't be afraid after I say what I have to say, especially since I'm afraid enough already.

I don't know why this is (my guess is the Aspergers kick in with this; I can only use this excuse so long before Aspergers is declassified and put on the Autism spectrum), but for some reason whenever I hear a woman sing, particularly if the song is amplified in some way, I get turned on (now, and I'll say this again later, this is NOT the thing I would judge women on at ALL; this is just a mental reaction). Yes, in that way. When I hear a woman sing into a mic, no matter how visible, and especially if she's in a costume or formal clothes, and especially if it's a fancy mic with a fancy sound system (this is probably the engineer in me talking), I start to tremble and shutter up with jealousy and then start having dreams about meeting the singer and dating her. Maybe it's because through all this, I feel inferior as a society member (and I feel like I work only to serve people in the entertainment industry, no matter how farfetched that conspiracy theory seems).

Now, I could never date a singer or actress of any kind, particularly because I'm an engineer and make a small fraction of what they make (and often do work that's just as stressful, if not more so, for example the next day my work was outside in the cold on Staten Island), and I feel like I have no social life (these actors and actresses have just about all the friends they could ever dream of; I only have a few reliable friends and I don't want to date any of the girls in that circle because I value their friendship too much). That's the jealousy and the depression.

Now I know this seems very incoherent, and I probably missed a few things here and there, but I have a big problem here and I don't like it. I don't think I can ever go to the theater again unless I have a girlfriend (in any industry, not necessarily the entertainment industry, this isn't what I judge potential mates on, this is just a mental reaction to something) or am on a date. I don't want any of you to be scared by this rant either (especially since I am already), but thanks for reading it.

As of right now there are only two ways I could conceivably get past this: 1. a hug, or 2. the opportunity to perform for someone, and it wouldn't be musical theater, but blues or folk rock on a guitar or piano at an open mic night (the latter of which I probably will do once or twice once I pick out a guitar). -CSM

Well, the first thing is to stop and disarm the situation a bit. Because it's not something you need to be worked up over. :)

For one, if lady singers is your thing, then lady singers is your thing. Everyone gets turned on by something, and it's perfectly normal to be aroused by singing, and fame, and all the rest that goes with it (hell, why do you think so many females who are pretty terrible vocalists still manage to make a career out of their poor ability? :lol: ). On a scale of "normal turn-ons" to "unusual turn-ons", you're doing pretty well.

As for singers, and musicians being unaccessible to you, that's not especially true, either. I married a very talented musician without having any connections to the industry. ;) Basically, what I'm saying is, artists are just regular people, no matter what the hype. And at the end of the day, they probably aren't making very much money until they are in the very top-tier of "super famous". Most bands go on tour so they can have a livable income at all.

If you DO get involved in music or performing, you're instantly improving your chances of meeting other musicians. And the more time you spend around those people, the better you get to know them, and the more likely it is that you'll find someone you're compatible with.

I think it's a fantastic idea for you to find somewhere you can have a go at singing in front of people, even if you just start out with karaoke. If you can afford it, and have the time, there are community classes you can take for singing and such, where you can meet others interested in that industry, too.

Really, all it comes down to is your reaction made you uncomfortable (which is understandable, truly, no one likes to be publicly aroused), but it isn't a huge issue. Honestly, if you let this bother you too much, it will take more effort to get over. People who get caught up on one event, thinking they need to desperately avoid it happening again, usually end up creating a much worse problem for themselves (the worry that it could happen again). If you just let yourself accept it, and move on, then you'll be okay.

^Lady singers aren't my entire thing; they're just the first one I've ever been attracted to (except for Vanna White, who was MUCH cuter when I was a toddler :lol: ) and I definitely am still attracted to them.

The irony is that in high school I was a very GOOD musician; I played the saxophone, which I would still be interested in playing, but I'd like to be able to sing and play a guitar or piano while I do so as well (and maybe throw in a harmonica or my frogcarina; I'd like to be able to experiment with stuff). I can do karaoke once I get a few beers in me....or when I'm not in front of friends (I can only do karaoke in front of total strangers). And I'd rather teach myself music since I already have a good background in it, particularly in the blues scales and stuff like that.

I can definitely accept this aspect of myself, but I don't want to embarrass myself in front of friends or family.

Thanks for writing back EssDee. -CSM

Man, don't you hate it when your nerves get you like this? I mean, sometimes I get pretty worked up, fixating on one minor unpleasant thing. Screw that. You're still a cool dude in my book, CSM, you've just got a lot going on in your head.

Every time you start to think there's something "wrong" with you, you've gotta distance yourself from that.

By the way, I'll take that bit from SD and run with it, since she's such a sweetheart that she's willing to compliment me like that.

Musicians can make money, and some of them make a lot of money. Some are paid professionals, like most pop-singers, who just end up being the promotional tool of whichever writer is popular at the time. Those people aren't really respectable as artists, they've simply fixated on a single skill obsessively and trampled whatever artistic impulses they've had. Actual bands struggle to make more than a simply respectable income; everyone from the studio engineer to the guy driving the trailer with all the equipment has to be paid.

But the people who make millions, regardless of what kind of musician they are, are lucky to sleep in their own house at the end of the day. They do what they do for security more than anything; even a guitarist who loves music is usually playing guitar to make ends meet. That's keeping in mind that the majority of acts are only successful for around a decade at most. That's a lot shorter amount of time for you to earn your life's wages in, so they have to stretch out what they get.

And having friends? It seems nice, but honestly I can speak from experience when I say that it's not fun when people want to know you just for their own ends. Those people will make up 95% of all you're introduced to as a rising or successful musician, no joke and no exaggeration. It can get pretty lonely when you feel like even your bandmates are only interested in friendship just because they need you as a career building block.




Anyhow, that's not all to discourage you from the music world so much as it is to remind you that everyone's got their own bag of problems to fret over; even us stage-folk who are used to wondering whether or not anyone is actually our friend. I don't enjoy digging up that part of my life, usually, so count yourself rather-liked that I would bother.