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I'm tired of simply admiring from a distance. This girl was in my classes for the past two years. During that time, I developed an incredible love for her. Not a crush... this is beyond that. I'm not creepy! Seriously though, she is PERFECT. Everything I've ever wanted in a girl is right there. I think she also gained feelings for me, but I can't assume that.

It feels kind of like the gods are trying to play Star-Crossed Lovers, but they lost the rules.

But now she isn't in any of my classes. Not even lunch. And she's incredibly shy (less social than me? no wai), so I don't think she's going to initiate contact with me anytime soon.

My mom suggests that I start with saying "Hi" in the hallway, then move on to "Hi, how are you" until we actually get to know each other. It sounds socially awkward to me.

A week ago, I was thinking of sending her an email telling her... well, everything. (The school has its own email system.) I later decided not to. Looking back on it, it sounded too mushy and like it would put too much pressure on her. And it would make me look dopey.

Now I'm thinking of just pulling her aside after sixth period and simply ask if she wants to (insert something) Saturday.

So, how do I get to know her? Or skip that, and just start going out with her?

Dont Read My Location wrote:Now I'm thinking of just pulling her aside after sixth period and simply ask if she wants to (insert something) Saturday.

*beats mind out of gutter*

So, how do I get to know her? Or skip that, and just start going out with her?

Well, you could try the same way I got to know MY girlfriend. Instant messaging/e-mails.

Just start a friendly conversation. Send her an e-mail that just says "Hi, how are you?". When/If she responds just start chit-chatting with her and see where it goes. Or, do this without the E-mail portion of it.

use the facebook that you darn kids today are so fond of and post something on her fence or whatever

Chunky Kong12345 wrote:use the facebook that you darn kids today are so fond of and post something on her fence or whatever

No, no, no.




It's a window, not a fence.

Try to

initiate contact

and

start with saying "Hi" in the hallway, then move on to "Hi, how are you" until you actually get to know each other.

Also, Facebook and other IMing/messaging services help a bit. You'll be nervous either way, but these give it a slightly duller edge. And it makes it easier to think about what you say. Don't fall to the nervousness. The guilt alone will eat you alive. In other words, BE BRAVE! Haha.


What you're describing sounds not like love (yet), but more like a very large infatuation that is as you said, beyond a crush. If all goes well and you're both willing to let it, it could easily develop to that stage though.

Try not to be so nervous. Try to be confident as well. Not necessarily to the point of being a jerk, but just confident enough that you don't die when she begins to utter a word in your direction.



Relaxing during any social interaction might help as well..


Some things to help with confidence:

Holding your head higher while walking, as well as good posture in other situations help more than you think. The blood flows differently in good posture. Not sure if that is relevant to confidence, but it makes you feel better and relax. Of course, don't hurt yourself if you're not used to good posture (as most people this generation don't seem to be...).

Relaxing during any social interaction might help as well..

Physical exercise. Whatever kind, just good physical exercise. Like lifting weights (dumbbells are suggestible because they are cheaper, and take up less space) or shooting hoops or something (or whatever sport you prefer, I suggest basketball because it takes less equipment, and is one of my favorite games). Both of those are pretty good for killing time as well. Weights could be better if you don't want to go out, but it will get boring faster, and will make your arms feel dead eventually. If you can, try both in moderation. Any way you go, you'll feel more energetic and more confident. (this is assuming you don't already do these)

Also, odd as it sounds, (I don't remember the class, but it didn't completely fit) in my old school we were taught that doing things to better your appearance like any hygienic thing, wearing nice clothes, bathing often, exercising regularly, brushing your hair or teeth, or whatever, is supposed to boost your confidence. (Not accusing anyone here of bad hygiene, just saying that a lot of people online regularly have problems with it supposedly)

There are probably other things I'm forgetting though....


Also, it's good I'd say that you didn't just outright say everything, considering that you don't know her well. You already pretty much stated my own reasoning. Pouring your heart out would probably freak her out.


-
Also, jokes. Don't be to afraid to laugh, but be wise about what you laugh/joke about.

If making jokes at her (like some people do in flirting) don't make them mean. Like genuinely, hurtfully mean. You know what I'm getting at? Any jokes at her should be in front of her and be noticeably sarcastic. Not to mention fun....

Anyway, I'm not the best resource, but I like helping people, especially friends. You should probably wait for other members to confirm anything I've said...

All in all, I'd say you should take it slow and become friends first. And make friendly dates with each other if that works out.


Good fortune to you. Hope it all goes well.

Also, sorry for unintentionally long post....

Okay, first thing is first: if you don't know her, you don't love her.

Let that sink in a moment.

You do not love someone you do not even know. This is 100% truth. If you TELL HER you love her without knowing her or having ever talked to her, you WILL scare her away. It doesn't matter how normal it seems to you, it's inappropriate. I know you're young and this is all fantastic and new, but you need to step back and be way more objective about this. Love is about liking almost every facet of a person. You can't even know a tiny portion of her if you haven't had contact with her beyond sharing classes.

Once you've truly squared with that fact, you'll need to approach her like any other normal person, not someone you're specifically seeking for a relationship. Be her friend. Make contact. Tell her that you miss seeing her in class, if she ever wants to get together with some friends, that would be cool.

Make it casual. If there are other people around, it won't feel threatening or whatever, it will just be a friendly meet-up with people from school.

So just chill out. Be friendly. Don't get yourself all hung up on someone who probably isn't going to be anything like you imagine. Just get to know her the way you would get to know any other potential friend. Talk about things you like. Ask her about what she likes. Find common interests. Be considerate.

Thank you all for your advice!

I'm going to need time to think, of course.

She doesn't have a Facebook account, so I'm moving to plan B.

"What's plan B?"

I'm working on it.

IM her?