The adventures of Sim Kid and the rabbit families in town.

[Sim Kid]

Episode 1: Meet the Crazies!!

So there are tons of people in Colorado who have loads and loads of children. I nickname them "Rabbit families".

One rabbit family in general apparently can't control any of their kids - and didn't realize this until after they had six kids.

So who is in this family, we have:

Mom

Dad

Snitty Teen Brat, who has hit that age where she doesn't care about anything at all, and honestly wishes everyone except for her would die.

Angel, the kid who has just discovered the wonders of technology and occupies himself reading on the phone... or probably texting... or playing a game.

Thing One and Thing Two. Or Cain and Abel, whichever you prefer. These are those two siblings who absolutely hate each other. Neither can live while the other survives, so as a result, their but one goal in life is to kill the other one. And even then at the funeral, you might have to restrain the sruvivor from jumping in the grave and trying to beat up his brother's corpse to ensure his death.

The Girl Flash, whose diet consists entirely off of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and espresso.

And Babby! S/he has just learned a new letter: E. S/he also has another gift: The stamina AND vigor that would allow her to play the role of Brunhild in the opera. S/he is so proud of both her vocal vigor and that s/he has just learned the letter "E" that s/he will let everyone know!



The minivan drives up to the restaurant. Girl Flash probably runs out and makes three laps around the world in the time it takes for Mom and Dad to pull Thing One and Thing Two apart. Snitty teenage brat just can't care at all. They enter, and ask for a table for eight. They have to look away from Thing One and Thing Two... and in the three seconds that they look away, tehy are already trying to strangle each other, while Girl Flash is hopping up and down on a bench like a trampoline.

The entire family spends roughly five minutes trying to decide who should sit where, and make perhaps the dumbest seating arrangement ever: Thing One and Thing Two are apart from each other. Mom and dad pay no attention to that side of the table because Angel is too busy reading anything. Mom and Dad start going off on a huge lecture to Sabrina, the Teenaged Bitch, while occasionally trying to stop Babby from shouting "EEEEEEEEEEE!", and once yelling at Thing One and Thing Two to knock it off or they will be punished. (Presumably, the punishment is allowing the other to live another night.) They also don't look at the Girl Flash, who has on three occasions run in and out o the bathroom, and then pranced around in the middle of the aisles while servers are trying to carry plates full of hot food.

Great seating arrangement, huh?

The cornbread and rolls end up on the floor while the Snit is too busy being a usual 14 year old self to care at all that her brothers are kicking each other under the table, or that her little sister has just caused a sonic boom running around the restaurant. (Or maybe that "boom" was just her baby sibling screaming "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE") Babby has by this point screamed for five minutes straight without stopping once to breathe.

Thing One and Thing two fire straw-wrappers at each other, and then realize they could use the straw to fire spitballs... none of which actually hits the intended target. Mom and dad brush off when people from the nearby tables complain at Thing One and Thing Two ripping up their napkins up and firing them at the nearby customers and servers. The Girl Flash finally gets bored of running around, and wears down all the crayons to a nub, while Thing One and Thing two throw them at each other like throwing darts, before trying to wrestle the last one from The Girl Flash.

Angel is actually well behaved and departs from the table to stop his little sister from running into a server, and occasionally picks up the crayons from the floor and keeps them, so they don't end up on the floor again. The Girl Flash manages to somehow get them, and manages to colour the entire table frantically.

Mom and dad don't care at all that Thing One and Thing Two are still tryign to kill each other, or that babby still keeps screaming "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!".

Food comes. Sabrina, the Teenaged Bitch gets in a fight with her parents. Thing One and Thing Two throw sugar packets at each other, pour salt in each others' drinks, and hurl pepper around. They have a sword fight with their dinner knives before Angel, mom, and dad confiscate them, then turn their attention to their own meals. The Girl Flash decides not to eat her macaroni and cheese and instead smashes it up into a million pieces under the table.

The family finally departs, much to the applause of the rest of the staff. The servers get an extra big tip for that, and two other customers even walk over to help clean up the mess despite that it is not their job.

Seriously guys, why did you have six kids if you can't even control one?!? You should ahve at least stopped with Angel, since he spent the entire meal minding his own business and trying to look out for his little sister. (He probably didnt' want to step in between his brothers' feud or else they'll decide that he must die.)

Everyone suffers tinnitus from the baby who screamed "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" non-stop for about an hour.


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Episode 2: The Restaurant Inferno

This rabbit family isn't nearly as bad as the first one - these guys only stopped at four kids.

Kid #1 is Naruto. Kid #2 is Picasso. Kid #3 is Enfant Terrible. Kid #4 is the Tasmanian Devil.


You can probably guess what they are like based on just their nicknames. One thing that's notable is that the parents don't have an indoor voice at all - and apparently can't set aside their bitching for just one hour and have a nice dinner in a public restaurant.

Mom and dad are having a bit of a spat right now - guess they didn't want to cook, which is understandable. However... they didn't want to watch their **** kids, either.

For the first five minutes, the kids actually behave. But then... two things happen.
1) Things get noisy, which sets Enfant Terrible off.
2) The Chips and Salsa arrive.

Naruto realizes that the chips make great projectile weapons. Picasso realizes that the salsa makes for great paint! The chips that aren't thrown across the dining room the Tasmanian Devil outright devours.

I nbetween mom and dad practically yelling at each other over the din their kids have made (As well as the other background noise) their kids create a HUGE mess on the table. Many chips are thrown to the floor. Enfant Terrible is screaming either because s/he is nervous due to the noise or because s/he wants attention. Mom and Dad just yell "SHUT UP!" at the baby rather than take him/her outside to let the baby calm down. Of course, they're also yelling at each other in Spanish sometimes - though I make out a lot of english words and phrases, so it's safe to say they're yelling at each other in Spanglish.

They also never tell Naruto or Picasso to stop playing with the chips and salsa, which mostly end up on the floor. Thankfully the restaurant staff don't give them any more than the initial refill when they realize that all the chips will end up on the floor, the salsa will end up on the table, and what doesn't end up on the floor will end up being devoured messily by the Tasmanian Devil.

Food comes. Enfant Terrible doesn't eat their food, and pounds the table. Mom and dad flat out don't bother to feed the baby despite that enfant terrible was shouting "FEED ME! FEED ME!" in baby speak. However, they finally get around to doing this. Tasmanian devil messily devours his food - NEVER give five year olds smothered burritos, by the way. I think he made a bigger mess than Picasso. In fact, I somehow managed to get sour cream on my shirt - this is impressive seeing as I didn't EAT anything with Sour Cream on it. I think there may have been Sour Cream on the CEILING!

Picasso and Naruto make faces at each other to try and make them send nice spicy taco through their nose. Naturally they learn the hard way as Picasso gets a nice spicy smothered burrito in his sinuses, and then complains about how much it hurts. Then Naruto sprays soda out of his nose (They didn't have milk for the kids.). Mom and dad finally tell the two they will not have mexican food ever again if they don't shut up and eat what's in front of them.

They finally conclude with Enfant Terrible shedding 40% of his/her body weight.... WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU FEEDING THAT POOR BABY?!? @_@; Finally the owner or manager (whatever) walked in and said "Get out, PLEASE!".


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More will be added... suffice to say, I think it's safe to say that living in the town with tehse people is probably a much more effective method of birth control than abstinence only education.

[smol Kat]

Those are my favorite kinds of customers. On a not-quite-related note, and this is really effing sad, but Angel will probably end up raising those kids. Anecdotal evidence: My mom's neighbor is never home (thankfully she stopped at two), and 17-year-old raises 6-year-old but wants to like, you know, have a life. :C

[Sim Kid]

A bit o a mini-episode... shortly after the first event happened (February) I ran into the family again in a Five Guys. The Girl Flash apparently had calmed down from her sugar rush and was now working with Angel to raise the other kids - Thing One and Thing Two decided to throw the delicious french fries around in their neverending war. -.-; Mom and dad just yelled at Sabrina, the Teenaged Bitch. FORTUNATELY babby didn't learn a new vowel or scream the entire time.